Minnesota Prairie Roots

IT’S BEFORE 8 AM, and I am twirling across my living room to early 18^th century classical music playing on a stereo.

You might call this dancing. But, for me, this is an exercise in balance. For two months now I’ve been in physical therapy to help retrain my brain. That followed a diagnosis of vestibular neuronitis in my right ear and Meniere’s Disease in early April. And now I have the added diagnosis of peripheral sensory neuropathy. And more, possibly post-COVID symptoms, even though I’ve never tested positive for the virus. I had a virus in January and all of my symptoms started in the months thereafter.

I have been working really hard to do whatever I can to help my body adapt to the deficits in my brain that stretch well beyond a loss of balance. Thankfully, I can still write. There are many days when I feel frustrated, impatient, overwhelmed, anxious, exhausted, wondering if I will ever feel better. Able to live the life I once lived.

And so I continue this dance. Four steps across the living room floor, turn a 360, four more steps, turn, four more steps and turn again. By the third turn, I am feeling dizzy. Then it’s back twirling the other direction, pausing at the end of each set to regain my balance. Back and forth several times, the energetic music of Johann Ernst von Sachsen Weimar, Francesco Antonio Rosetti and Johann Wilhelm Hertel propels me across the floor.

IMPROVEMENT & DETERMINATION

There was a time early on in my diagnoses when I couldn’t have listened to this music. All I wanted was quiet, minimal auditory input. I worked in physical therapy to build my tolerance to sound. I still struggle with sound and other sensory issues. But I know I’m better than early on. The fact that I can even sit at a computer and type is proof. Early on that was difficult, if not impossible.

I just now paused to turn off that classical music. It was too much after 45 minutes of listening while exercising and now writing. The right side of my head feels as if it’s been slapped. I recognize that as a symptom that I need, in this moment, to calm.

Dealing with these multiple diagnoses feels as much a mental challenge as a physical one. I suppose anyone experiencing a serious health issue would say the same. I try to remain positive and hopeful, but I recognize that, in all reality, feeling upbeat takes effort.

Just like my physical therapy takes effort and commitment. I’m determined to follow through with the exercises my therapist, Ryan, gives me during our weekly sessions. I look forward to therapy because I feel so encouraged and empowered, like there’s something I can do to help myself get better and that I have the strong support of a caring and compassionate professional.

FOCUS, EXERCISE, TRY

And so I continue twirling across my living room. In another exercise, I focus my eyes on an X slashed on a Post It note I’ve placed at eye level on the wall. I keep my eyes on that X as I do figure eights around two containers of therapy putty I kept after breaking my left wrist several years ago. Because I also have diplopia, I see two Xes due to my eyes not tracking together.

Another exercise takes me outdoors to Central Park or the campus of the Minnesota State Academy for the Deaf. There I walk along the sidewalk and then on the uneven surface of grass, turning my head from side to side and then up and down. Randy walks near me as my spotter. I invariably veer hard to the left. It’s his job to keep me safe and I am grateful for his loving care and attention.

One of my biggest challenges remains the ability to engage in conversation. Listening and talking for any length of time tax my brain. When my dear aunt phoned the other day from Missouri, I finally had to end the call because my head was hurting so bad. I’m hoping my therapist can give me some exercises that will improve my ability to engage in conversation without experiencing symptoms.

And so I keep trying. I keep dancing, twirling to the early 18^th century music of classical composers.

TELL ME: If you’re living with a chronic illness/disease or have dealt with a major health issues, what helped you cope? I’ve found coloring, playing with therapy putty, doing crosswords, lifting hand weights and rocking in the recliner with my eyes closed to be soothing, helpful distractions.

© Copyright 2023 Audrey Kletscher Helbling