IT’S BEFORE 8 AM, and I am twirling across my living room to early 18th century classical music playing on a stereo.
You might call this dancing. But, for me, this is an exercise in balance. For two months now I’ve been in physical therapy to help retrain my brain. That followed a diagnosis of vestibular neuronitis in my right ear and Meniere’s Disease in early April. And now I have the added diagnosis of peripheral sensory neuropathy. And more, possibly post-COVID symptoms, even though I’ve never tested positive for the virus. I had a virus in January and all of my symptoms started in the months thereafter.
I have been working really hard to do whatever I can to help my body adapt to the deficits in my brain that stretch well beyond a loss of balance. Thankfully, I can still write. There are many days when I feel frustrated, impatient, overwhelmed, anxious, exhausted, wondering if I will ever feel better. Able to live the life I once lived.
And so I continue this dance. Four steps across the living room floor, turn a 360, four more steps, turn, four more steps and turn again. By the third turn, I am feeling dizzy. Then it’s back twirling the other direction, pausing at the end of each set to regain my balance. Back and forth several times, the energetic music of Johann Ernst von Sachsen Weimar, Francesco Antonio Rosetti and Johann Wilhelm Hertel propels me across the floor.
IMPROVEMENT & DETERMINATION
There was a time early on in my diagnoses when I couldn’t have listened to this music. All I wanted was quiet, minimal auditory input. I worked in physical therapy to build my tolerance to sound. I still struggle with sound and other sensory issues. But I know I’m better than early on. The fact that I can even sit at a computer and type is proof. Early on that was difficult, if not impossible.
I just now paused to turn off that classical music. It was too much after 45 minutes of listening while exercising and now writing. The right side of my head feels as if it’s been slapped. I recognize that as a symptom that I need, in this moment, to calm.
Dealing with these multiple diagnoses feels as much a mental challenge as a physical one. I suppose anyone experiencing a serious health issue would say the same. I try to remain positive and hopeful, but I recognize that, in all reality, feeling upbeat takes effort.
Just like my physical therapy takes effort and commitment. I’m determined to follow through with the exercises my therapist, Ryan, gives me during our weekly sessions. I look forward to therapy because I feel so encouraged and empowered, like there’s something I can do to help myself get better and that I have the strong support of a caring and compassionate professional.
FOCUS, EXERCISE, TRY
And so I continue twirling across my living room. In another exercise, I focus my eyes on an X slashed on a Post It note I’ve placed at eye level on the wall. I keep my eyes on that X as I do figure eights around two containers of therapy putty I kept after breaking my left wrist several years ago. Because I also have diplopia, I see two Xes due to my eyes not tracking together.
Another exercise takes me outdoors to Central Park or the campus of the Minnesota State Academy for the Deaf. There I walk along the sidewalk and then on the uneven surface of grass, turning my head from side to side and then up and down. Randy walks near me as my spotter. I invariably veer hard to the left. It’s his job to keep me safe and I am grateful for his loving care and attention.
One of my biggest challenges remains the ability to engage in conversation. Listening and talking for any length of time tax my brain. When my dear aunt phoned the other day from Missouri, I finally had to end the call because my head was hurting so bad. I’m hoping my therapist can give me some exercises that will improve my ability to engage in conversation without experiencing symptoms.
And so I keep trying. I keep dancing, twirling to the early 18th century music of classical composers.
TELL ME: If you’re living with a chronic illness/disease or have dealt with a major health issues, what helped you cope? I’ve found coloring, playing with therapy putty, doing crosswords, lifting hand weights and rocking in the recliner with my eyes closed to be soothing, helpful distractions.
© Copyright 2023 Audrey Kletscher Helbling
Minnesota Prairie Roots 
You are totally committed to recovering all that you possibly can. Although progress isn’t immediate and requires challenging work and exercises, you’re doing what it takes! Thank goodness for Randy’s ongoing support. A few years ago I was rear ended by a guy in a big Dodge Ram. He hit the corner thank goodness not the center or I’d not be writing this. But my neck my neck my neck. I’d wake up and think I can’t stand this the rest of my life. To feel that pain. But with help of PT and first time trying a chiropractor upon a friend’s recommendation and the passage of time, I healed. The only residual issue is I can’t wear an apron around my neck for long and I have a gorgeous glass necklace that can be worn for occasional short stints. Minor Problems I shouldn’t even mention. But are reminders to take good care and be aware.
You’ll never guess what my therapist had me doing today. Riding a rollercoaster in virtual reality. Oh, boy. It’s all an effort to build up my auditory and visual tolerances. Oh, and a T-Rex was coming at me. Talk about an exciting morning at PT.
Oh my goodness that sounds wild! I’d have to lie down afterwards . Your PT is not boring. Hope it helps.
Everything I do in therapy is aimed to help me better handle balance and sensory input. Maybe I’ll get to ride the roller coaster again this week. Or maybe Ryan will have a new surprise awaiting me.
You are doing great at working through this with a lot of creative activities. I am so grateful you have the right therapist.what a blessing.
I absolutely have the right therapist, although I told Ryan today I didn’t like the therapy of riding a virtual reality rollercoaster. But I still liked him.
your writing is just as beautiful as ever, and it is very inspiring to see how you are making progress, one bit at a time, one bit at a time, and your positive attitude and hopeful approach are an important part of your recovery. you are beginning to see the possibilities
Thank you for appreciating my writing and my hard work. I’m trying. My attitude isn’t always positive and hopeful. Sometimes I cry in frustration.
it’s because you’re human, and are going through a lot –
That is so true. Plus, crying is beneficial.
Keep on dancing (or whatever else helps you feel better). On my first day of coached exercise, a man in the senior center locker room said, “No one told me it would be so much work to get old. I thought we’d just fade into our recliners.”
Thanks for sharing that quote, Ken. It’s so true. And it made me laugh out loud. Laughter is good for the body, mind and spirit.
Audrey, Have you tried meditation or yoga? It has helped me manage my many health issues. Balance is so important in all we do.
Hope you find you center balance point again. 🤗🙏
Thank you for those suggestions, Paula.
👍
I’m always so encouraged by your bravery to keep taking actions to heal. Our thoughts were on a similar wavelength. I recently found a healthcare professional to help me with my back/hip/abdomen pain. As she sent me to x-rays (since no other doctor had thought to do that before?), the person doing my x-rays had hip problems and walked with a cane. I asked how he coped with pain – hoping to hear something different. Unfortunately like most folks, he takes prescriptions. I’m trying so hard to avoid those as they mess up so many other things in my body. I’d rather be clear headed than suffer the disoriented vomiting that often comes with pain meds. I cope with ice and heat, humming, listening to ‘healing music’, singing, punching bag, scribbling my frustrations out on paper when things get overwhelming because my life has become so restricted this past year and a half… But I also take time to notice the beauty around me, the flowers, the butterflies, the hummingbirds, our fabulous state park system, the delightful grandbabies… I also use hand weights to keep up my strength, as we age and/or suffer health issues, we can easily lose our strength. Also talking with a counselor has helped me find better ways to explain my pain to doctors. Sometimes we need an ‘interpreter’.
Rose, I’m thankful you finally found a healthcare professional who listens and may be able to help you. Just knowing what’s going on is huge. I pray for a treatment plan that provides healing and relief. Your list of ways in which you cope is helpful and positive. I’m not always positive and brave. I’ve cried plenty of times through all of this. I appreciate your support on this difficult health journey.
Keep dancing Audrey! I like that PT exercise. Not the roller coaster though. Yikes.
I will be dancing shortly. The roller coaster seemed daunting initially. But once I relaxed, I did much better.
Keep Dancing My Friend – You are STRONG and DOING EVERYTHING in Your Power to Heal and Live that Active Life 🙂 I think the best advice is finding what works for you and the health of your being along with a great support team – medical, therapists, exercise, etc. It can be hard work but if it is worth it put every effort into it. If something is not working find someone or something else. Really find what works best for you and the balance you need. Taking it easy and resting is part of that process too. Take Care ((((((loveandhug))))))
Thank you, Renee. You are such an encourager. I always appreciate your positivity.