WE STOOD SIDE-BY-SIDE, arms stretched around one another, watching as our husbands carried the gray casket and slid it into the waiting hearse. Six friends grieving the death of a seventh.
The day before her 73rd birthday, my friend Barb died from cancer. And here I was a week later, standing outside Trinity Lutheran Church, linked to the women beside me in grief and in love.
My emotions ran high on this beautiful May morning of sunshine and greening spring, of new life rising from the earth on the Monday Barb was laid to rest beneath the earth. I understood she was at peace, in her heavenly home, and that consoled me as tears fell.
Her service was signature Barb, one she planned. One that proclaimed her strong faith in words and in music. Oh, so much music, because Barb loved music. Our friend Steve sang “Who Am I?” Friend Char slid her bow across her violin, accompanying children as they sang “Jesus Loves Me” and later as mourners sang one of my favorite contemporary Christian songs, “10,000 Reasons.” Galen played “Beautiful Savior” on his harmonica, another favorite of mine and of my dear friend Barb. There was more music, so much that Barb wanted, some of which had to be trimmed lest the service got overly long.
Sitting in the front pew, just steps from Barb’s casket, I immersed myself in the service. I laughed when her brother-in-law Dave, the presiding pastor, shared that Barb instructed him to “shake them up” with his sermon. He did. When he spoke of hell and then abruptly stopped and sat down, I wondered if he was so overcome with emotion that he needed to pause. Not so. It was that “shake them up” moment Barb requested. He returned to the pulpit to finish his sermon with loving words of grace.
Barb loved her Lord, her family, her friends, old-time TV shows (particularly “Andy Griffith” and “The Beverly Hillbillies”) and the color purple. There was purple everywhere—flowers, ties, dress shirts, table coverings. Purple overflowed alongside love. Love in so many hugs. Love in words spoken by Barb’s eldest son. Love from God. Love surrounding us.
During the final weeks of her life, Barb continued to love on all of us, even as she lay bed-ridden. I would drop off a meal for her family, hoping to uplift my friend. And she uplifted me. She, who was dying. She never let me leave without kissing my cheek. I hold that precious memory now, the warmth of her lips pressed against my skin. To have that time with her to say goodbye eased me into her death. This time was a gift, as Barb’s husband, my friend Mike, reminded me, reminded all of us.
Barb gave so much, even in choosing the men who would carry her casket—Randy, John, Steve, Noel, Mark and Jeff. All of us friends, together in a long-time Bible study group. Twenty years of reading and studying God’s Word, of praying for one another, of growing in our faith and friendship. We have been through a lot together. Uplifted one another.
And here we were on this lovely spring morning, walking into church together behind the casket, behind the cross. Filling two pews at the front of the church. Listening and singing and crying and laughing. And then later filing out, waiting silently in the narthex, then outside. Reverently.
As the six guys moved toward the casket, we wives gathered on the side and I instinctively motioned for Debbie, Jackie, Mari, Mandy and Sonja to come closer. I needed to feel their closeness, the strength that comes from love and friendship in shared grief. It was a powerful and emotional moment standing together in a row, arms wrapped around one another. I felt Barb’s love embracing us. I heard her words, too: I thank Him for each of you. Our family and friends, I love you!
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NOTE: I will miss my friend Barb and other loved ones I’ve lost in 2024: Uncle Robin; my brother-in-law Dale; and Aunt Jeanette. This has been a season of grief.
I am so sorry for your loss of this wonderful friend. Praying for you right now and thanking God for Barbs love for so many and her faithful service to the Lord. Sending hugs along as well. kg
Thank you, Kathy. I was blessed to have Barb as a friend. She truly was an example of unwavering faith in God.
So sorry for your loss – she sounds like she is one that would shake it up, sing, dance, laugh, and most of all LOVE 🙂 That connection and the friendship you have with her as well as that group is strong and supportive as well as caring and loving. You are so there for each other – love that! Take Care ((((((lovehugsprayers)))))
You are right about Barb and about our group of friends. Thank you for your thoughtful and kind comment.
Barb’s life continues to touch others as you write about her and share your love and grief with all of us. What a gift to have a long time, friend with whom you shared so much, especially your faith.
Yes, Barb’s legacy of love, care and faith will live on. And, yes, to have a long-time friend(s) is a blessing beyond measure.
What a lovely tribute. The great thing about you Audrey is no matter what you are going through you always show compassion and love for others. Thank you for sharing with us.
Oh, Becky, you are making me cry (in a good way) with your loving words. I try to show compassion and care, following the example my beloved mom set for me. She was all about compassion, care and kindness.
This season seems to run on far too long on this side of Eternity’s blanket, but will end in Joy and Gladness. Thank you for these words of love and blessing.
Marilyn, sometimes it feels that way, doesn’t it? That this season of grief runs too long. But as long as we are on this earth, we have a purpose, a reason to be here and live joyfully. God bless and keep you, Marilyn.
My heart goes out to you on your loss of your friend, and to her family. She sounds like such a lovely, strong spirit. 💕 I hope your season of grief will soon be lifted.
Thank you, Rose. You would have liked Barb. She was remarkable in her strength of faith and in her generous and loving spirit.
Barb sounds like an amazing friend. I’m so sorry for your loss!
She was. I will miss her along with many others.
I am so sorry for the loss of your dear friend. it is clear that she continued to lift you up even after her passing, and she sounds like a dear treasure to this world. how lucky you are to have called barb friend, and to still have friends surrounding you in your shared love of her.
Thank you, Beth. You are absolutely right about Barb and about the friends who surround me in our shared love of Barb.