Minnesota Prairie Roots

Writing and photography by Audrey Kletscher Helbling

Reflecting on pre-surgery anxiety & ways I coped February 20, 2024

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Information about my eye muscle surgery. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted file photo 2023)

SURGERY. Most of us would rather not hear that word when it comes to our health. But sometimes surgery is necessary. I’ve had surgery nine times in my lifetime. I’m currently four weeks out from my second bilateral strabismus eye surgery (the first was at age four) to realign my misaligned eyes. Healing and recovery are progressing.

Nearing downtown Minneapolis, the route to M Health Fairview Surgery Center and Clinics. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted file photo)

Today’s post, though, is not about recovery, but rather about my January 22 surgery day. As a creative, I have stories to tell about my experiences at M Health Fairview Clinics and Surgery Center. Admittedly, I felt anxious as Randy and I aimed north along Interstate 35 to the surgery center about an hour away on the campus of the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis. I detest metro traffic, which added to my pre-surgery anxiety. But on this morning, traffic was not horrible.

Waiting is always the hard part. I waited at check-in behind an angry patient. We’d ridden the same elevator to the fifth level, but she got ahead of me because she knew where she was going. I did not. And so I had to stand there listening to her spew about how she’s never been called about whatever. Her voice volume increased. I felt increasingly frustrated by this hostile woman who should have taken her complaints elsewhere, not to the surgery check-in desk. She was not there for surgery. Finally, I bypassed her to another check-in station, wondering if the first employee would need to call security. This was not off to a good start.

I settled onto a green upholstered chair in a spacious room filled with people, most on their phones, waiting. A bank of tall windows revealed a sunny day. I heard persistent coughing on the other side of a waiting room half-wall, somewhat worrisome to me. I’d been screened for COVID symptoms, but Randy and other caregivers weren’t. That is typical of clinic screenings, it seems. But I digress.

Eventually, after I’d people-watched, tried to work a crossword puzzle, studied abstract fabric artwork, Tatenda called me to begin the process of preparing for surgery. That started with basic questions followed by depression screening. I am thankful this screening is now routine in healthcare and I told Tatenda that. And then I added, “But you didn’t ask about anxiety.” Anyone who says they aren’t anxious about surgery is, in my opinion, not being truthful. Thankfully, Tatenda and others who cared for me understand pre-surgery anxiety and helped ease mine.

One of my go-to Bible verses when I’m worried or anxious. This is displayed at my church, Trinity Lutheran in Faribault. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo February 2024)

There was one point, though, when I had to dig deep mentally to stop myself from fleeing a small room where I waited alone for the next step in surgery prep. Tatenda handed me a lavender paper gown, instructing me to change into that and pull on a pair of purple socks. Then she left. Do. Not. Leave. Me. Alone. I expected her back quickly. As the minutes ticked by, I felt my anxiety rising. I was cold, shivering almost, hugging my folded legs to my body for warmth. The over-sized, one-size-fits-all paper gown that smelled to me of antiseptic provided zero warmth. Maybe I should have wrapped it around my slim body twice. I attempted to calm myself by repeating the words of Psalm 46:10: Be still…be still…be still…

Eventually nurse Amanda arrived and connected a hose to my lovely lavender gown, a hose that blew air inside to either warm or cool me. She explained how I could turn a switch to adjust the temperature. It was a game-changer not only for my comfort level, but also in giving me control. Of. Something.

Signage on The Pearl, a popular ice cream spot in downtown La Crosse. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted file photo 2015)

As Amanda searched and poked twice for an adequate vein to start an IV, we talked. Conversation distracts me. This nurse, the same age as my eldest daughter, and I chatted about her hometown of Potosi, Wisconsin, where I’ve been to the brewery; our love of La Crosse (and The Pearl ice cream shop); motorcycles; and then how I met Randy and where we went on our first date. “Stir Crazy,” I replied. The movie starring Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder. Amanda said she would ask Randy the same when she brought him to see me shortly before surgery. When he answered “Blazing Saddles” to the first date question, I told Amanda that he was an imposter, that she needed to find my real husband. We laughed. Humor helps.

Once Amanda left, the anesthesiologist and neuro ophthalmologist surgeon arrived for last-minute briefings and questions. I was ready. Soon I was being wheeled down a hallway toward the operating room. I remember nothing until I awoke 1 ½ hours later in recovery. That is another story…please check back for more storytelling.

TELL ME: If you’ve had surgery, how did you cope with pre-surgery anxiety? How did others help ease your anxiety right before surgery?

© Copyright 2024 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

Update: My eyes are aligned February 5, 2024

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My old glasses with prisms atop information about bilateral strabismus eye surgery. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted file photo November 2023)

TWO WEEKS OUT from bilateral strabismus eye surgery at M Health Fairview Clinics and Surgery Center in Minneapolis, my vision is looking good, pun intended.

Neuro ophthalmologist Dr. Collin McClelland was pleased with the results of his 1.5-hour surgery on my eyes. I saw him and his team last Wednesday for my post op visit. My previously misaligned eyes are now in full alignment. In three to four months, I should know the final outcome. Eyes can shift yet as muscles heal and my brain adapts to the new alignment.

Updated glasses (minus prisms) and updated eyes, nine days after surgery. (Copyrighted photo by Randy Helbling)

This is a process, this recovery and healing. I can tell my brain is working hard to adapt to my new way of seeing the world. My eyes remain red, irritated and itchy. But I am looking less ghoulish each day with my eyes no longer leaking fluid and blood. Time, healing, ointment and eye drops have all helped.

Mostly gone is the double vision which led me first to my local ophthalmologist late last summer and then to the specialist at the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis in October. Today I see double only upon awakening and for a while thereafter and when I’m overly-tired. That compares to more often than I could count pre-surgery. That is reason to feel thankful.

As you may expect, I arrived at my post-op visit with a list of questions, tasking Randy to take notes as I focused on eye checks done by two doctors and another medical staff member. Yes, the exams were repetitive and exhausting. But I appreciate the thoroughness of the post-op evaluations.

I won’t get into the medical details of my surgery, not that I understand them anyway. But I learned that Dr. McClelland worked on two muscles in my right eye and one in my left to realign my eyes. He had to work through extensive scar tissue from this same surgery done in 1960 by Dr. Theodore Fritsche in New Ulm.

This is what I looked like shortly after surgery in the recovery room. If you look closely at my left eye, right above the steri strips, you’ll see a black thread taped to my skin. That’s the end of the adjustable suture. (Copyrighted photo by Randy Helbling. I asked him to take the photo, not realizing how awful I looked.)

Perhaps the most intriguing part of my recent surgery is the adjustable sutures stitched into my left eye. That’s exactly what it means. Adjustable. During recovery, when I was alert enough to focus on a big letter E across the room, Dr. McClelland tweaked the alignment based on what I saw. Twice he had to pull on the sutures to move my left eye into alignment. I’m thankful for the topical anesthetic eye drops that semi dulled the pain and for my inability to clearly see what he was doing. I could only see the blurry movement of his hands and what I think was a tweezers. I will admit the tug on my eye felt unsettling.

Several days post-surgery, I was already looking better. It’s difficult to see my red eyes in this image. But trust me, they were still very red. The flowers are from my dear children, sons-in-law and grandkids. (Photo credit: Randy Helbling)

But here I am today, two weeks out from all of that. Each day brings some improvement in the physical appearance of my eyes and in the way my eyes feel. I still feel, though, like a pebble is stuck in my right eye. That, my surgeon explained, is likely the end of a suture irritating my eye. I asked him to clip it off. Of course, I was joking because I realized he couldn’t possibly do that. But I had to bring some humor into the post-op exam room where medical residents listened, observed and learned.

Healing takes time and patience. Not only do my eye muscles need to heal, but my brain needs time to adjust. I’ve learned a lot about the brain in the past year since developing neurological issues from COVID and undergoing six months of vestibular rehab therapy, finishing that less than five months ago. My brain, an amazing and complex organ, is still trying to manage all that goes into it.

Beth, a blogger friend from Michigan, sent this handcrafted get well card, which made me laugh aloud. I love it and all the other cards and wishes I’ve received. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo 2024)

Now with this recent eye surgery, I must limit screen and reading time. I learned this past Saturday that shopping is like physical therapy for my eye muscles and brain. My eyes hurt and I felt exhausted after grocery shopping and stops at Books on Central, Eclectic Alliance and a Big Box retailer. Eyes move a lot when you’re looking at items on store shelves. I overdid it.

My vision is not crystal clear and is sometimes blurry and distorted. I haven’t attempted photography yet, except with my cellphone. Putting anti-inflammatory drops into my eyes four times a day to reduce inflammation has proven challenging. I can’t seem to master that skill. I am thankful for Randy’s help.

Meanwhile, I am wearing prescription glasses without prisms. Before surgery, no number of prisms would correct my double vision. To see such improvements so soon after surgery leaves me feeling grateful to my surgeon and this team—for their knowledge, their skill and their compassion.

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NOTE: I am grateful also to you, my blog readers, for your support and encouragement offered in the comments section and in get well cards I’ve received. You’ve lifted my spirits. Thank you.

© Copyright 2024 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

A post eye surgery update January 24, 2024

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Not a good photo at all…but this gives you an idea of what my eyes look like. Randy took this pic Tuesday afternoon. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo January 2024)

TWO DAYS OUT from bilateral strabismus eye surgery at M Health Fairview Surgery Center at the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis, I am looking less Frankenstein’s monster than I did. Not that I look exactly like the fictional monster created by Dr. Victor Frankenstein in Mary Shelley’s novel. But I feel like I appear as ghoulish with my red, fluid-leaking eyes.

All humor aside, surgery to correct my eye misalignment went well. Neuro ophthalmologist Dr. Collin McClelland and his team performed the 1 ½-hour surgery on both eyes Monday morning with adjustable sutures stitched in my left eye. Post surgery, Dr. McClelland pulled the left eye stitches to tweak the alignment before tying them off. Yes, I was awake. Yes, it was painful.

On surgery day, the surgeon was pleased with results. Healing, time and my brain adjusting to my new vision will determine the final outcome. But I am optimistic that my double vision will be mostly, or totally, eliminated.

In the meantime, I’ve dealt with pain managed by over-the-counter meds and have tried to rest my eyes. For someone who likes to read and write, it’s a challenge to limit both. But when my eyes hurt, I’m relieved to shut them.

Finally, last night, I slept well. Each day brings improvement. Less pain. Less blood and fluid seeping from my eyes. Healing takes time and patience.

Randy has been a great support along with serving as resident nurse and pharmacist. He squeezes ointment into my eyes thrice daily to prevent infection. I struggle with putting anything in my eyes and would likely misjudge and stab my eyes with the ointment tube. I can’t have that happening.

Occasional blurry vision and double vision, especially upon awakening in the morning, continue. My eyes feel gritty. This is not unexpected. My eyes have been through a lot of trauma with this surgery. The surgeon found extensive scarring in both eyes from this same surgery done in 1960 by Dr. Theodore Fritsche in New Ulm. Dr. Fritsche’s corrective repair of my misaligned four-year-old eyes lasted 60-plus years. If my new surgeon’s work lasts that long, I will be good to go.

Onward.

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FYI: I will continue to limit my screen time as I recover. But feel free to leave comments because I will read them at some point. I likely will not reply, though. I appreciate all of the support, encouragement and prayers from you, my dear dear readers. Thank you.

Once I’m feeling better and am able to write more, I will share more about my surgery day experience. I assuredly have stories to tell (once a journalist, always a journalist) from my time at M Health Fairview, where I received excellent and compassionate care.

© Copyright 2024 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

Seeing one, then two, then one, then two January 17, 2024

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My current eyeglasses atop info about bilateral strabismus eye surgery. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted file photo November 2023)

THE EYES HAVE IT. Until they don’t.

Next week I undergo bilateral strabismus eye surgery at M Health Fairview Clinics and Surgery Center in Minneapolis. Basically, I’m having surgery to align my misaligned eyes. The neuro ophthalmologist will cut into the white of my eyes and then the muscles, tightening them into alignment using adjustable sutures. That’s the plan. Randy has advised me not to watch any online videos. I have no intention of doing so. Reading about this surgery is more than enough for me.

If you look closely at this image, you can see the patch covering my left eye. This 1960 photo of my mom, sister Lanae and brother Doug was taken on a rare family vacation to the North Shore near Duluth, Minnesota. (Photo sourced from my personal photo album)

The thing is, I’ve had this surgery before. Sixty-three years ago. I was just four, cross-eyed and needing medical intervention to correct my vision. Patching my lazy eye didn’t work. So my parents took me to a specialist in New Ulm 60 miles away from our southwestern Minnesota farm. Eventually, ophthalmologist Dr. Theodore Fritsche would do corrective eye surgery at Union Hospital. I will always be grateful to this surgeon and to my parents for recognizing I needed help or I likely would have gone blind in one eye.

I remember little about that long ago surgery except drinking tomato juice at the hospital and looking at books. The books I understand. But tomato juice? I like it now, but didn’t as a preschooler. I also remember getting orange circus peanut candy as a treat from the dime-store following my numerous appointments. I’ve blocked any other memories.

Fast forward to today and how I got here, on the brink of another corrective eye surgery.

As my neuro ophthalmologist explains, my eye muscles loosened through the decades, shifting my eyes into misalignment. My brain was compensating for the most part until I experienced neurological issues following a January 2023 viral infection suspected to be COVID. (I self-tested negative twice.) The niggles of double vision which had bothered me for a few years, mostly in the evening when I was tired, worsened. COVID messed up my brain function and communication between the brain and my eyes was misfiring. In the past year, it’s become increasingly difficult to only see one, even with prisms in my prescription lenses. Trying to see only one taxes, exhausts, me. Sometimes I can’t read. Sometimes I close one eye simply to eliminate the double vision. It is getting to be too much.

My green eyes up close pre double vision. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted file photo)

Once I completed 5 ½ months of vestibular rehab therapy to retrain my brain and help me deal with the devastating affects of long haul COVID, I was ready to see a professional about my double vision. I started locally. I went into an August ophthalmology appointment optimistically thinking I could simply get a new pair of prescription eyeglasses with more prisms added. Not so. As the ophthalmologist held up prism after prism to my eyes, it became clear nothing in his trays of prisms would effectively improve my vision. I was, he said, beyond his realm of expertise and would need to see a specialist.

After a several-month wait, I saw the neuro ophthalmologist at M Health Fairview in late October. Following 2 ½ hours of exhaustive testing, of looking through prisms and layers of prisms, I understood that I was well beyond the corrective lenses with prisms option. I would need surgery.

A childhood photo of me taken at an optometrist’s office in Redwood Falls. (Photo sourced from my personal photo album)

So here I am after another long wait—three months this time—on the cusp of bilateral strabismus eye surgery. I just want to be done. I am hopeful this outpatient surgery will fix my eyes and eliminate my double vision. Am I scared? Yes. The idea of undergoing general anesthesia and having a surgeon cut into my eyes and eye muscles is frightening. If only I could zoom back in time to my 4-year-old self who remembers nothing but books, tomato juice and circus peanut candy.

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FYI: If I’m absent from blogging for a while, it’s because I’m resting my eyes, recovering from surgery. I’ll be back, hopefully no longer seeing double.

© Copyright 2024 Audrey Kletscher Helbling