“VERTIGO.” I CAN BARELY TOLERATE reading the title of the movie, considered by many to be Alfred Hitchcock’s greatest achievement. That may be so. But when Randy pulled the “Vertigo” DVD from a shelf at the local library and asked if I wanted to watch it, my response was immediate. “NO!”
Vertigo is not something I want to see depicted in a masterpiece film by the simultaneous use of forward zoom and reverse tracking shot. No, thank you. I don’t need that visual. I recently experienced extreme vertigo in real life. And that was beyond awful.
But Randy was attempting to infuse humor into my thoughts, an effort I appreciate given all I’ve been through this summer. The vertigo I experienced back in early April returned a few weeks ago, leaving me dizzy and once again feeling unbalanced. To say I felt frustrated would be an understatement. I’d made notable progress in vestibular rehab therapy, which is retraining my brain in the areas of balance, handling sensory overload and more. All of this connects to my triple diagnoses of vestibular neuronitis, Meniere’s Disease and peripheral sensory neuropathy.
To feel two instances of vertigo and like I was living in a world once again a kilter seemed like a major setback. My physical therapist chose other words: “a bump in the road.” Ryan’s right. I didn’t lose the progress I’d made, just slowed down due to that speed bump. He’s so encouraging, one of the traits I most appreciate in a deeply compassionate and caring physical therapist.
Yet, on the Friday Ryan checked me for benign paroxysmal positional vertigo and then twice performed the Epley Maneuver to move misplaced crystals in my right inner ear back in place, I wasn’t all too happy about his action plan. It was, of course, a correct and necessary procedure. It involved Ryan turning my head to the right and holding it in place while I was sitting, then lying down on my back and going through an Alfred Hitchcock-worthy scene of extreme room spinning vertigo. I gripped Ryan’s forearm with such intensity that I later joked he should receive hazard pay. Without going into more nightmarish detail, he then repeated the procedure. The second time my vertigo had lessened. And when Ryan rechecked me for vertigo a week later, it was gone.
Now I’m trying to get back on track, rebuilding my confidence in doing the assorted exercises designed to retrain my brain. These are familiar exercises, ones I’d mostly mastered before the bump in the road. I left therapy Monday afternoon feeling absolutely wiped out, though, and symptomatic. It’s going to take time for my brain to adjust to exercising.
I’m determined to work hard, to do my exercise homework, to try and live my life as best I can while managing my symptoms. I understand my limits, when I need to take breaks (including limiting screen time) and how to help calm my system. Already my balance is improving. I’m slowly beginning to feel better, to eat better. (I’ve lost 15 pounds.) And I’m overcoming my fear of vertigo returning.
But I’ll never ever watch Alfred Hitchcock’s “Vertigo.” The title triggers too many nightmarish memories.
© Copyright 2023 Audrey Kletscher Helbling
Minnesota Prairie Roots 
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