AFTER THREE KIDS and 20 years of attending parent-teacher conferences, I realized Monday evening that my husband and I are in the home-stretch. We have only three more conference sessions before our son, our youngest, graduates from high school in 2012. Yeah.
It’s not that I dislike conferences. It’s just that I feel such meetings are not always as productive as they could, should, be. Our kids have done well in school, so grades have not been an issue. We are thankful for that. Teachers have always offered high praise for our children. We are thankful for that. Our kids have always been respectful and well-behaved. We are thankful for that too.
But that leaves us with a bit of a dilemma. What do we discuss at conferences?
At Monday’s sessions, I decided to focus more on our son’s future, asking about his passion for subjects, trying to get a feel for possible career choices. He’s already decided on a career in computers. But, as parents know, young adults are apt to change their minds more than once before settling on a specific career path.
Based on the input teachers gave me, my boy could succeed in many areas. He’s gifted in math and science. I already knew that. Sometimes, though, it’s reaffirming to hear from others.
I also inquired about advanced placement classes and testing. Such opportunities never existed when I attended high school, meaning I’m uninformed. If all goes as planned, my son should have college credits on his transcript when he graduates from high school.
And, yes, our conferences did include discussion about his grades, current classes and participation. I often ask teachers, too, what they are teaching because my teen certainly doesn’t inform me.
My spouse even suggested that one teacher enlighten his students by taking them on a field trip to the next-door college. He made the same suggestion to the same instructor two years ago. The educator seemed non-committal and, as we walked away, we wondered why he didn’t enthusiastically embrace an idea that seemed so clearly beneficial to students.
That all leads me to wonder, what do teachers expect from conferences?
What don’t they want to hear? A retired elementary school teacher recently told my husband that he didn’t like the accusatory “It’s your fault” words delivered by parents seeking to affix blame. In his later years of teaching, parents were becoming less respectful and more accusatory, he said.
So that leaves this whole topic open for discussion. If you’re an educator, what would you like parents to ask you at conferences? What do you want to talk about? What would you really, truly, like to tell parents?
If you’re a parent, what do you expect teachers to share with you? What would you really, honestly, like to ask them, or tell them?
© Copyright 2010 Audrey Kletscher Helbling
Minnesota Prairie Roots 
I’m not a teacher, but do have many teacher family members. I think the parents that they want to talk to don’t come, hence the problems with the child. They don’t care so why should the student. I remember years ago when my daughter was in school and a teacher just couldn’t handle the class. I offered to come in…… they turned me down. Maybe that is what is needed. A parent with a list of all students names and parents cell numbers of the class they are sitting in on. Who wants to get a call from another parent that says “Come and get your disruptive child, NOW.”
It starts with and ends with the parents.
Lanae, I think you’re right that the parents who most need to attend conferences typically do not show. Because of privacy issues, the parents calling other parents idea would never fly. But parents sitting in a classroom…, not sure why teachers wouldn’t be OK with that.
Oh, here’s another one I could go on and on about. But, I won’t. Parents in the classroom can be helpful as long as they and their child can behave and maintain proper classroom conduct. I’ve seen way too often that Sally’s mom comes in to help, and Sally and her friends get all giddy with mom and it’s quite disruptive. Then, the other kids think it must be okay because Sally can do it and you’ve got yourself a MESS.
We’ve had numerous parents chaperone with us on field trips to the cities over the past few years, and some parents don’t think they need to chaperone. It’s tough to get on a student for being disruptive and rude at Mill City Museum when mom is right there with him thinking everything is “cute”. ARGHHHH! Trust me…been there, done that! I wasn’t very popular that day.
I’m a big fan of the PHONE NUMBER. I’ll often walk over to my computer when a student is disruptive, click on my “gradebook” and ask “Mom or Dad?” He’ll say, “What?” I’ll say, “Who do we need to go call?” If he thinks I’m bluffing, I’ll rattle off a number out loud…that’s usually all it takes. If not, we’ll get someone to cover class and we’ll go to the office to call home or work.
I also do DRAFT emails. I’ll type an email to a parent but don’t send it…yet. Have the kid come read it. Tell him/her that if the behavior doesn’t straighten out, he/she will be hitting the SEND button. And, yes, HE/SHE hits the SEND button if needed. Usually after they read the email, they settle down.
(I feel like I could have my own blog on this topic!)
You have some great ideas, strategies, comments, insights, etc., Tim. Your school district, students and parents are quite fortunate to have you as a teacher. I really see a strong, committed, dedicated, caring educator in all of your comments. Thank you so much for sharing your ideas and strategies with the readers of Minnesota Prairie Roots.
Seriously, after I read this post yesterday, there was something on GMA about putting parents in jail if they didn’t show up for parent teacher conferences. This was in Detroit, MI, and it was more complicated than if you just missed, they had something all outlined of course, but, I agree with Lanae on this, that the ones who don’t show really need to be the ones there.
I do daycare, love it…love the kids…but, there are times when I would like to parent the parent…I am sure it is the same way in the schools…Like they say at boys town…its not always the kids that are the problem….but the parenting. I am sure I wasn’t perfect with raising my kids but I wanted them kind and respectful above all else…Parents nowdays are so busy running to their main job and then their 2nd job to make ends meet…a lot of times kids are on their own…Makes me sad!
Putting parents in jail for not showing up to parent-teacher conferences certainly seems extreme and is not something most of us would support, I expect. But you hit the nail on the head about parenting, Bernie. None of us are perfect parents, so we can all learn from each other.
Well, as you know, I am a 5th grade teacher, so my response is much different than a high school teacher might respond. We are expected to have conferences with EVERY parent of our homeroom students. They are scheduled at open house in the fall before school starts. If they don’t show up for the conference, we need to contact them. By phone, email, etc. until we “conference” with them. I give it one extra try and then I’m done. I figure after that it’s up to the parent to care as much as I do!
I run the conference by having a copy of the child’s report card, test score history, samples of work, Reading Inventory {words per minute, unit test information, grade equivalent, Accelerated Reader Student Record sheets (titles of books they’ve read) etc.}, Math progress information, and a copy of the My Teacher Report Card they fill out about/on me the week before. (All of this is in a file folder and ready to go prior to conferences.) This will usually fill up the 15 minute time slot each parent is scheduled. Parents are also given a chance to ask questions and discuss concerns along the way. As they leave, I give them a “Conference Evaluation Form” that they can fill out anonymously for me so that I know if they’re satisfied with what was discussed in the conference. I’ve been doing things this way with the evaluation for at least 6 years and parents are overall happy with the way things are organized and they feel they have a chance to share their own concerns and get their questions answered.
I figure it’s my show to run! I’m not their punching bag, target, or towel boy. I’m trying every day to teach their kid something, and if he/she isn’t doing the job, or if they are doing a great job, I have to be prepared to show that. I’m not afraid of what students or parents have to say about my teaching or my conferences. When they come in, it’s my one chance to make sure they leave feeling confident in ME, their child’s teacher! They may not like me, agree with me, or even support me, but they’ll leave saying, “Damn, he sure had his stuff together.”
Wow, I’m impressed, Tim. You sound like one of the most prepared teachers ever when it comes to conferences.
And, might I add, your passion for teaching clearly shows in the comments you made to this post. I appreciate that you shared your approach to and perspective on conferences. Other educators may want to consider some of your ideas. Like you said, no one complain that you aren’t prepared.
Like I said, it’s easy for me because I know who I’m getting before they get there. I really feel that this is my ONE chance for the parents to see that I’m “for real”. So, when I call, or email any concerns the rest of the year, they really have to think twice before they can “write me off” and disagree or second-guess or side with their kid on an issue.
For our high school teachers who see over 100-200 kids a day, it would be nearly impossible to be that prepared.
I do get lots of positive feedback from parents about the information I share and the things we discuss at conferences. Many of them have never had the state or NWEA test scores explained to them until they get to me. That’s a LOT of years for a parent to NOT KNOW what’s going on with their kid! Many parents have never been told at what grade level their child reads. YIKES! They’ve never had ALL of those numbers and details compared and profiled together in front of them. They’ve never been shown the “pattern”. I’m sorry, but that’s scary! And, I tell that to my colleagues and administrators! I’m a Kletscher, you know!
Why are conferences not usually done “my” way? Most teachers are scared to cause any waves. They are good people who are like a good dogs. They just want people to like them. They became teachers because they want to help kids. They don’t want to be looked at as “negative”. I’m not that way. I’m more like Garfield, the cat. I call it like I see it. I cause a little trouble now and again. I share facts, good or bad. Information is knowledge. Without proper information, we can’t expect parents and students to work with us toward the common goal. But, most teachers don’t want to be “the one” to share the information because it might not be what the parents want to hear…they might be perceived as “negative”.
The first year I shared test score information and explained it, the parents were just amazed at what they had been missing all those years. They’d get the “information” in the mail from the school, but it didn’t really mean anything to them…it was just a bunch of numbers. Ever since then, it’s been the same thing. “Oh, that’s what that means. I’ve always wondered what that number meant and what I should really be looking for…”. Oh, I could just scream!!!! And I could go on and on.