Minnesota Prairie Roots

Writing and photography by Audrey Kletscher Helbling

An aha moment at parent-teacher conferences March 5, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Audrey Kletscher Helbling @ 10:20 AM
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EVER SINCE OUR TEEN stopped accompanying us to parent-teacher conferences, my husband and I have felt more open to asking candid questions about him. Not that we’re trying to talk about him behind his back, but his absence certainly allows us to ask questions we probably wouldn’t ask in his presence.

He’s a great student, near the top of his class. He’s taking rigorous courses, earns straight As and scores exceptionally well on tests. In other words, academics are not an issue.

So, then, you might wonder why we even bother to attend parent-teacher conferences. First, it’s important to show our son that we care about his education.

Secondly, it’s important for his teachers to know we care and to connect with them.

Third, I want to know what he’s learning, because I certainly don’t hear that information from him.

I’ll qualify that, though, by saying that this time, when our 17-year-old was helping me with dishes the night before conferences, I asked for an academics primer. I wanted a list of the classes he’s taking, the names of his teachers and what he is currently studying. Surprisingly, he obliged and I felt better prepared for conferences.

Just a note. I could have pulled his course information from a file, but engaging him in conversation about school seemed the better alternative. Also, I wasn’t completely oblivious to his class schedule or assignments.

When my husband and I headed off to conferences on Thursday evening, I wasn’t sure exactly what information I wanted to glean from or exchange with his teachers. Last time we focused on his future—his main interests, career options and college choices.

This time, though, a conversation with a friend several days earlier niggled in my mind. We were discussing our sons, who are both wired with strong science and math brains. Neither one cares all that much about engaging in social activities. My husband and I have worried for some time about our teen’s lack of interest in socializing and minimal participation in extracurricular activities.

About now, if you’re the parent of a teen, you’re probably thinking, how lucky to have that “problem.”

Well, as parents, we want a well-adjusted teen.

We were reassured by every teacher we asked that our son is well-liked by his peers, participates in class and socializes, has a great sense of humor that they enjoy, loves to learn, etc. In other words, they alleviated our worries.

While talking with his journalism teacher, I had one of those aha moments. My son, I realized, is confident enough in himself that he doesn’t feel the need to conform, to give in to peer pressure, to be surrounded by a group of friends. All the while I’ve been focusing on the negative when I should have been focusing on the positive, seeing the strengths in his personality.

Not everyone is interested in sports or theater or music, etc. And just because we as parents, as educators, as a society, think every kid should be intensely involved in extracurricular activities, we must also accept and realize that not every teen wants to be so involved. Not every teen is a social butterfly outside of the classroom.

My son doesn’t think like most teens. That’s OK. But he’s strong, smart, confident, inquisitive and more. When he focuses on a task, he wants his efforts to be invested in a real project, with real results. He doesn’t want to do something just to compete, although when he competes he’s very competitive. I finally understand that about him.

It just took asking the right questions at parent-teacher conferences to get there.

© Copyright 2011 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

Dressing up like Cinderella on the cheap March 1, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Audrey Kletscher Helbling @ 8:51 AM
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TOUGH ECONOMIC TIMES prompt us to look for creative ways to save money.

That stated, if you are the parent of a high school age daughter who will attend prom in a month or two, listen up. Your girl can dress up like Cinderella without breaking the bank.

I would love to take credit for the following thrifty idea, but I can’t. I’m sure it’s been tried many other places. But this is the first time I’ve heard of a Prom Dress Drive in Faribault.

I learned of the drive, sponsored by the Faribault High School National Honor Society, via an insert included with my son’s mid-quarter grades.

NHS members are accepting donations of formal dresses that are in “good, sellable condition.” They promise to reasonably price and sell the formals to prom-goers.

I didn’t see any other restrictions listed…which means maybe I can get rid of that purple and lavender bridesmaid dress hanging in my closet since, oh, 1984. I actually loved the dress when I wore it. A young woman who is a size 12 might like it too. I have no use for the formal and when I slipped the cinching waistband around my waist, let’s just say I couldn’t button it in place.

A belted waistband buttons at the back of the bridesmaid dress I wore in 1984.

Ruffles accent the neckline of the dress.

Layers and bows define the full skirt. Follow this post to the end for a view of the entire dress.

Anyone may donate dresses to the Prom Dress Drive from 4 p.m. – 6:30 p.m. on Friday, March 11, and from 12:30 p.m. – 4 p.m. on Saturday, March 12, at the FHS Black Box Theater. Enter through the northeast doors at the front of the building.

Then, from 3:30 p.m. – 6:30 p.m. on Wednesday, March 16, and Thursday, March 17, doors on the northeast side of FHS will be open for prom-goers to try on and purchase dresses.

To me this seems like a win-win situation. Donors clear their closets of unwanted formals given to a good cause. NHS kids earn money. And prom-goers save money.

The NHS students are also accepting cash donations, although they don’t explain why they want cash too. Are they giving out a random cash prize? Are they donating the cash to charity? How will the money be used?

For now, women, check your closets and consider donating to this project. I’m all for a drive like this that will help make prom more affordable. I don’t know the costs of attending prom. But with attire, flowers, food, photos, salon and transportation expenses, I bet attendees who don’t penny-pinch easily spend $500.

Other affordable options for dresses include borrowing a formal, shopping at a thrift or second-hand store or browsing the classified ads. In local recently-published classifieds, I saw a candy apple green dress advertised for $90. It cost $300 new. Another seller was pushing a baby blue ballroom-style prom dress for $150. I expect lots more of these ads as prom time draws nearer.

Those who wish to save even more money can consider foregoing the dining out experience by dining in. Back in the 1980s, my youngest brother and his date, now his wife of 22 years, sat down to a pre-prom dinner at my parents’ house. This year my niece and her friends plan to gather at her dad’s house for a prom dinner.

(The in-house dining has the added benefit of parental supervision and keeping kids safer by cutting out the long-distance travel to dine out.)

Nothing says you have to follow the expected norm.

I say when times are tough, and even when they’re not tough, curtail your spending at prom time. Be proud of your frugality.

I hope young women and parents embrace this recycled prom dress idea and realize that prom can be just as enjoyable in a second-hand dress as in a new dress.

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS on this dress drive and/or the cost of attending prom? Do you have any money-saving tips for prom to pass along?

 

Should I donate this 1984 formal to the Prom Dress Drive? Will today's teen think it cool vintage chic or totally outdated? I value honesty. I paid $124 for this dress 27 years ago and wore it once.

© Copyright 2011 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

Trying to sort through educational options February 16, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Audrey Kletscher Helbling @ 8:54 AM
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I’M UNCERTAIN WHETHER I should admit this given I could be labeled as a “bad parent.” But I’ll risk criticism.

I am weary/tired/exhausted from trying to figure out every detail that goes into educating today’s child.

Can you blame me? I’ve had children in school for 20 years.

So…, given that, I felt a sense of relief last Thursday evening when my husband and I walked into Faribault High School to help our 17-year-old register for his last year of high school. I’m not sure why we had to be there, except to sign the registration paper. Our son knew, for the most part, what classes he wanted. He input the information into a media center computer without our assistance and questioned aloud why he couldn’t register online from home. I wondered too.

His Dad and I waited and pulled a few books from the library shelves. I scanned the magazine shelves—O, the Oprah Magazine; People; and periodicals about cats and dogs. I yawned, more than once. I was tired and really hadn’t wanted to venture outside on such a brutally cold winter night.

But I am the parent and this was required of me, to be here. I also had questions about AP classes, PSEO, SAT, PSAT and CLEP. Acronyms. So many. So much to consider and decide regarding my son’s education.

I’ve been pushing him to earn as many college credits as he can in high school. I know he’s capable and I also know he won’t get as much financial aid as his sisters given we have only one dependent now.

If all goes as planned, meaning he scores well on Advanced Placement tests, successfully completes several college classes and passes College Level Examination Program tests, my son should have a good semester of college behind him when he graduates from high school.

But we’re still trying to sort through the process, and it’s like panning for gold.

© Copyright 2011 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

The President’s speech: salmon, Sputnik and nation-builders January 26, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Audrey Kletscher Helbling @ 10:17 AM
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President Barack Obama in Minneapolis in September 2009.

DID YOU LISTEN to President Barack Obama’s State of the Union address? And, if so, what did you think?

I can’t exactly put my finger on it, but the whole speech seemed more lackluster than your typical Presidential annual summary, although Obama certainly tried.

Political commentators attribute the noticeably subdued reaction among attendees to the fact that Republicans and Democrats sat jumbled together rather than each party in its distinct spot. I agree that one would be more hesitant to strongly react to a Presidential statement when seated with members of the opposite party than when sitting with your own crowd.

On to the speech…Obama tried to convince Americans numerous times that our nation is now on the road to economic recovery. “The economy is growing again,” he said at one point.

I see some glimmer of that, but I don’t think the current situation—with the unemployment rate hovering around 9.5 percent—is quite as bright as the President believes.

“America still has the largest most prosperous economy in the world,” Obama told us. Right or not, I don’t know. I hope he’s right, but I’m no economist.

He offered encouraging words: “The future is ours to win…but to get there we can’t just stand still.”

President Obama outlined steps to move our country forward via innovation, investment in education, rebuilding America and controlling spending.

His call for clean energy and improving our infrastructure with a high-speed rail system are nothing new. I’ve heard this all before and, although the ideas are good, I question whether independent “I-love-my-car” Americans will embrace electric cars and high-speed rail. Geographically our country is much larger than nations with successful lightning-speed rail systems. And how, exactly, will this be funded?

“Innovation is how we make our living,” the President said as he defined his first step in building a stronger country.

ONE OF HIS MORE MEMORABLE QUOTES: “This is our generation’s Sputnik moment.” Sputnik, for those of you who haven’t a clue, was the first earth-orbited artificial satellite launched by the Soviet Union in 1957. I thought America had its moment when we landed on the moon.

I liked the President’s statement that “…the winner of the science fair needs to be celebrated,” although I find it odd that he compared such recognition to Super Bowl winners. I’ve long thought those who excel in academics deserve the same recognition as those who excel in sports. But I doubt you’re going to change an entire society’s attitude. I mean, will local newspapers devote a whole section to academic achievers like they do to athletes? I wish they did, but it’s not going to happen.

When addressing the topic of education, Obama called for Americans to treat teachers with the same level of respect as teachers in South Korea, who are called “nation-builders.” Yikes. That word choice really, really bothers me. That, in my mind, produces an image of students in uniforms and teachers drilling science and math into students’ heads. I’m sure the President did not mean it that way, but that was my honest, first gut reaction.

As the President discussed streamlining government and curtailing government spending, he informed us that salmon—yes, the fish—are regulated by two government agencies. That drew audience laughter and certainly made the point that reform is needed within government operations.

He proposed a freeze on annual domestic spending for the next five years.

“Our government spends more than it takes in,” Obama said. “That’s not sustainable.”

You think? And how did we get there?

Numerous times the President called for Americans—and specifically politicians—to work together. “We are part of the American family,” he said. “I believe we can, and must, work together.”

Yet, he recognized that differences will always exist and that such differences are part of the foundation of a democracy. “We will argue about everything,” Obama said. I appreciated that the President emphasized that point, that freedom of speech point.

“I know there isn’t a person here who would trade places with any other nation on earth,” our nation’s leader said toward the end of his speech.

Then he cheered one more time: “We do big things.”

And finally: “The state of our union is strong.”

IF YOU HAVE THOUGHTS on the State of the Union address, I’d like to hear them. What did you like or dislike? What did you believe or disbelieve? And how would you describe the state of our union?

© Copyright 2011 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

Back to school for tired teens January 3, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Audrey Kletscher Helbling @ 10:25 AM
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JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT the celebrating had ended, along comes today, Festival of Sleep Day.

I don’t know about you, but I could sure use some extra sleep. I never get enough. I blame that on aging and the necessity to get up nightly to pee, which disrupts my sleep.

But I don’t want to make me and my sleep issues the focus of this post. Rather, I want to highlight the topic of teens and sleep.

I made some interesting observations during the holiday break, when my 16-year-old son didn’t have to get up early and out the door to school. He was pleasant, actually pleasant. No crabbiness, for the most part. No disagreeable personality, for the most part. And, he willingly assisted with household tasks without resistance and complaining.

I liked, really, really liked, the teen who has lived here for the past 10 days or so. (That’s not to say I don’t like/love my boy. I do. But those of you who are parents of teens will understand exactly what I mean.)

So when this morning arrived and my son had to roll out of bed for his first day back at classes, I wondered which boy would greet me. It was the tired, I’m-not-happy-to-be-awake-this-early son. No surprise there given my high school junior stayed up late last night doing homework, although he said, “Not that late, mother.” I know what that means.

Let’s just say that he left his homework until Sunday, despite my strong, very strong, suggestion that he work on it earlier in the week. I’m going to derail again here and ask, “Why do teachers assign homework over holiday break?” Honestly, are they working on work when they’re on vacation? Maybe. My guess would be most likely not.

ANYWAY, BACK TO THAT SLEEP TOPIC. To my son’s credit, he slept in only until 10 every morning of break except for the first day and the last two days. Typically, he would slumber as late as he wished, which would be until about noon. But this time, this vacation, he set his alarm for 10 each morning and I give him credit for that self-discipline.

His dad and I have, for a long time, encouraged him not to sleep in so late, especially on weekends, because that just throws off his whole sleep cycle. He never understood that, up until now.

Based on my teen’s mood and sleep pattern, I’m convinced that, for him at least, starting school at about 9/9:30 a.m. would be a better physical and psychological fit. I’ve read and heard repeatedly that teens would do better with that later school day start. I can’t cite those sources right off the top of my head, but if you research the topic, you’ll find the studies to back up that statement. (Or just come and live at my house for awhile.)

I’m not holding my breath waiting for a change in high school start times locally. I don’t think that will happen, and certainly not in the next 1 ½ years, when my 16-year-old would benefit.

Once my son is off to college, I expect he won’t take too many 8 a.m. classes. But that’s OK. Then he can adjust his schedule to his natural sleep patterns and needs. Even without the teenage factor, he’s more of a night person, than a morning person.

That brings me full circle back to today and the Festival of Sleep Day celebration. I have no idea where this fest originated and had not heard of it until yesterday. But I think I’ll celebrate this afternoon by, maybe, taking a little nap.

© Copyright 2010 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

What should we discuss at parent-teacher conferences? October 20, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Audrey Kletscher Helbling @ 8:19 AM
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AFTER THREE KIDS and 20 years of attending parent-teacher conferences, I realized Monday evening that my husband and I are in the home-stretch. We have only three more conference sessions before our son, our youngest, graduates from high school in 2012. Yeah.

It’s not that I dislike conferences. It’s just that I feel such meetings are not always as productive as they could, should, be. Our kids have done well in school, so grades have not been an issue. We are thankful for that. Teachers have always offered high praise for our children. We are thankful for that. Our kids have always been respectful and well-behaved. We are thankful for that too.

But that leaves us with a bit of a dilemma. What do we discuss at conferences?

At Monday’s sessions, I decided to focus more on our son’s future, asking about his passion for subjects, trying to get a feel for possible career choices. He’s already decided on a career in computers. But, as parents know, young adults are apt to change their minds more than once before settling on a specific career path.

Based on the input teachers gave me, my boy could succeed in many areas. He’s gifted in math and science. I already knew that. Sometimes, though, it’s reaffirming to hear from others.

I also inquired about advanced placement classes and testing. Such opportunities never existed when I attended high school, meaning I’m uninformed. If all goes as planned, my son should have college credits on his transcript when he graduates from high school.

And, yes, our conferences did include discussion about his grades, current classes and participation. I often ask teachers, too, what they are teaching because my teen certainly doesn’t inform me.

My spouse even suggested that one teacher enlighten his students by taking them on a field trip to the next-door college. He made the same suggestion to the same instructor two years ago. The educator seemed non-committal and, as we walked away, we wondered why he didn’t enthusiastically embrace an idea that seemed so clearly beneficial to students.

That all leads me to wonder, what do teachers expect from conferences?

What don’t they want to hear? A retired elementary school teacher recently told my husband that he didn’t like the accusatory “It’s your fault” words delivered by parents seeking to affix blame. In his later years of teaching, parents were becoming less respectful and more accusatory, he said.

So that leaves this whole topic open for discussion. If you’re an educator, what would you like parents to ask you at conferences? What do you want to talk about? What would you really, truly, like to tell parents?

If you’re a parent, what do you expect teachers to share with you? What would you really, honestly, like to ask them, or tell them?

© Copyright 2010 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

It’s OK if you don’t have pickle bumps September 23, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Audrey Kletscher Helbling @ 8:00 AM
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I’LL ADMIT TO MORE than a bit of skepticism about a children’s picture book titled Pickle Bumps for Baby Dill. “What kind of book is that?” I wondered before calling the author, Bob Fulton.

Well, exactly as the title suggests, this is a story about Baby Dill, a pickle born without bumps. But that’s not all. You see, after speaking with Fulton and upon reading his book, I learned the real purpose. And it’s much more than a story about cute, talking pickles.

Fulton delivers a strong message via the Dill family and Baby Dill’s friends. The message: “It’s OK to be different.”

That’s a message especially fitting for this time of year, the beginning of school.

I would speculate that many students have, in recent weeks, felt like they don’t quite fit in with their classmates. Maybe they aren’t wearing the latest fashions. Maybe they’re in a new school, struggling to make friends. Maybe they’re shy, quiet. Maybe their hair or their skin is the “wrong” color. Maybe they’re struggling with learning.

Maybe, like Baby Dill, they wonder why they are different from everyone else.

Fulton addresses that concern, which leads the Dill family on a shopping trip for pickle bumps. In the end, Baby Dill decides, with the support of his friends, that he would rather remain bump less.

While Fulton’s story has a positive ending, I know that isn’t always reality. In real life, kids bully, tease, make fun of, pick on, humiliate—whatever words you want to choose—those who are different. For all too many kids, there are no understanding friends to stand by and support them.

A book like Fulton’s offers encouragement. “We like you just the way you are,” Baby Dill’s friends tell him. That’s a message that needs to reverberate through-out our schools, our homes, our communities.

Pickle Bumps for Baby Dill would be a good addition to any elementary school classroom or library. While aimed at preschoolers and lower elementary students, the story also appeals to 10 – 12-year-olds, Fulton says. Having experienced bullying myself while in junior high school, I applaud any efforts to help students, parents and teachers address the issue.

The college educator—he taught chemistry for 39 years at St. John’s University and The College of Saint Benedict—has even added a list of 12 questions at the end of his book to prompt discussion.

He shares, too, that his book evolved from telling stories to his grandchildren and a specific request from his youngest grandson to “Tell us a story about a pickle.”

Fulton did and then put his tale into writing in Pickle Bumps for Baby Dill, published by Pickle Bump Press. Melissa Meyer, originally from Saint Joseph, Minn., illustrated the book.

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AS A SIDE NOTE, please be aware that October is National Bullying Prevention Month. Check out the PACER Center Web site for information that can help you address bullying. Perhaps by working together, through understanding and listening and empathy, we can help reduce the bullying that is all too prevalent in our society, especially in our schools.

© Copyright 2010 Audrey Kletscher Helbling