WITH NEWSPAPER STORIES that tell of budget cuts and lay-offs, oil spills and natural disasters, crime and tragedies, items published in the “Cops & Courts” report can sometimes provide comic relief.
Let me clarify lest you misunderstand. I am not amused by motor vehicle accidents, by vandalism, by assaults or similar occurrences reported to law enforcement. Rather, I am amused by the occasional comic element or in the wording of information in published public records.
For example, a recent “Cops & Courts” item printed in the Faribault Daily News states: “3:28 p.m., caller wants to report a theft that occurred eight years ago by his step-daughter…” This isn’t exactly clear to me. Is the stepdaughter the victim or the accused? More importantly, why did this stepfather wait eight years to contact the sheriff’s department about this supposed crime?
Ditto for another report filed on the same day. A complainant alleges that “his neighbor has been coming to his location and stealing motorcycle parts and tools, has been happening a lot, first time reported…” If my neighbor was stealing from me, I wouldn’t wait to call the cops.
Finally, this published report gives me pause to chuckle a bit and to formulate numerous questions: “11:41 p.m., someone glued doors shut in the 200 block of Third Street Northwest.” Who would think of doing this? How do you commit this type of crime without anyone noticing? Which doors were glued shut? What type of glue was used and exactly how strong is that glue? How did the victim open the glued doors? Was the victim glued in or out of his/her house? Why would anyone do this?
Finally, the most amusing of recent reports: “2:06 a.m., vehicle with hazards on, vomiting on the side of the road, Warsaw Township 118 at Cannon Lake Trail and Echo Court.” When was the last time you saw a car vomiting on the side of the road?
Just for the record, I once owned a 1976 canary yellow Mercury Comet appropriately nicknamed “The Vomit.”
© Copyright 2010 Audrey Kletscher Helbling