I’VE DEBATED, for several days, whether to write this post.
And I’ve decided, yes, I will just speak what’s on my mind because I refuse to be bullied, belittled or called names.
My mother taught me to nice, to be kind. If I disagree with someone, I should be respectful in voicing my opinion. I’ve tried to follow those guiding principles throughout my life, although at times I fail.
I was bullied as a child and pre-teen. As an adult, I don’t have to accept such behavior.
That brings me to two comments posted on my January 11 post, “Meet 10 Minnesota bloggers, a contest winner & more.” Click here to read that story.
Of all the posts I’ve written, I never imagined this piece would come under attack.
Here is the single sentence that prompted two readers to voice their opinions in a manner that I consider disrespectful:
I wanted to highlight bloggers without an agenda and who would fit our more conservative outstate readership.
I’ve since deleted that sentence because I understand how, if you’re a “liberal” purposely seeking out the word “conservative” and you take something out of context or shape it to your thinking, this could be totally misconstrued.
My use of the words “agenda” and “conservative” had nothing to do with political leanings of either the highlighted bloggers, the magazine or its readership.
Any writer understands that when you write for a publication, you need to know that publication and its content. That was the point I was attempting to make and, I admit, I could have written it more clearly, explained it better.
Yet, the rabid reaction from these two commenters caught me off guard.
Here are their separate responses, first from commenter #4:
Nice to know that “conservative” isn’t an agenda. Dogwhistle much? Or just believe in pandering to stereotypes of rural Minnesota?
And here are the words of commenter #5:
Wow. I mean, read that sentence slowly. Maybe aloud. Could you see what you did there? I know my 7th grade grammar teacher would have you up at the blackboard for that.
(Readers, please do not click on these commenters’ links; google them if you must.)
In my opinion, they could have made their points in a manner that was less mean-spirited and not so condescending.
I was tempted for a minute to censor their words or fire back with an equally vicious response. It was a fleeting thought. I gave them their voice, responded as kindly as I could and tried to let it go.
I don’t expect that everyone will always agree with me or like what I write. And, yes, I understand that sometimes something I compose may be taken the wrong way.
Then I thought back to all those years when I was bullied and came home from school crying.
This pair could not have known how their words triggered those childhood memories of bullying and name-calling and of a math teacher who called students to the blackboard only to belittle them. To this day, I do not like math.
And, to this day I do not like to be bullied, belittled or called names.
As an adult, I don’t have to accept such behavior, especially on this blog.
So you see, dear readers, something good has come from the negativity expressed earlier this week in my comments section. I have the opportunity to open up a discussion on the topic of bullying.
LET ME HEAR from you.
Were you bullied as a child or teen? If so, how did you and/or the adults in your life handle this and how were you impacted, short-term and long-term?
Have you been bullied as an adult? How have you handled such behavior?
What can be done to stop bullying?
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NOW, JUST TO BALANCE this all out and show you how words can be used in a positive manner, I refer you to Bob Collins of Minnesota Public Radio. Click here and scroll to # 5 in the 5×8 section of his News Cut column to read his comments about Minnesota Prairie Roots and the Minnesota blogger story.
Then, click here to check out Iron Range writer, radio producer and college instructor Aaron J. Brown’s equally kind words regarding my work and the blogger feature.
I have great respect for these two writers. Enough said.
© Copyright 2012 Audrey Kletscher Helbling
Minnesota Prairie Roots 
Yes, I too was bullied, and it hurts to this day. A bookish, non athletic, boy in glasses is not very popular, especially if he is raised to participate in class (brown nose). Unfortunately some know no other way to communicate. They are the losers.
I would like to believe the world would grow out of such things, but as long as there are those who are vulnerable, there will be those who abuse. Thank you for speaking out.
I had to speak out on this, Michael. I understand exactly how you feel, how the childhood bullying hurts to this day. That is what needs to be understood. Such behavior is not innocent childhood teasing and should not be tolerated.
I have discovered here in America the Land of the Free, that you HAVE to be either one side or the other, one end of the bus or the other, one side of the closed window or the other, One radio Station or the Other. Now, you tell me, that there are even sides who think they OWN words. I have to use one word or the Other! Audrey. How can they own words? Because i am a foreigner i am not accepted or befriended. I talk funny. I get that.. I don’t like to eat processed food. Or shop. Ok but it is a lonely place to live for anyone who has an individual principle that does not match One Side or Another. Believe me i know.
Now to your dilemma. I understand that you believe that these people have a right to a voice. A democratic right to a voice ,but they do NOT have a right to a Response. My Mum used to say Ignore Them. Give them Silence. Those kind of people hate Silence. AND if we DO give them a silent response the only words they hear are their own. Hmm. Their words were mean and nasty.So we leave them with their OWN words, the Mean and Nasty Ones. Then their words kind of rebound back AT them. Their own hatred swirls back around THEM. Maybe our Mums were onto something. Allow them their comments. But NO response. NO response from you. Let silence be their response.
Ignore them. They do Not own words. Give them your lovely strong back. Move off in a busy way. Never never retract what you wrote with such care and conviction.
That is enough from me.
c
Well said, C. You are a wise woman. And I, for one, love your voice.
Readers, if you have not visited Cecilia’s blog, click on it right here, right now. I promise you will love her words and photos.
Standing ovation to you….NEVER allow yourself to be bullied!!!
Thank you, Jeanne. I kindly bow.
Wow! I think you’ve been hardly done by. I can’t understand the fuss. There’s just way too much political correctness in a lot of people these days and they should know, if they don’t like what they read on a blog, go find a blog that is more suited to their views.
Exactly.
People can be such jerks when they are hiding behind a computer screen. Don’t let them bother you 🙂
Yes, the anonymity of sitting behind a computer can certainly lead people to put in writing what they would not say to your face. And, no, I am not letting them bother me. However, I felt it important to bring the topic to light.
I’ve grown vary wary of other bloggers as I was cyberbullied by other bloggers here in the DC area, publicly called fatter than fat, ugly and a lonely, unsuccessful online dater as well as a terrible person, terrible writer and panderer (among many, many other slurs) in a series of posts geared toward getting readership in the local community.
Something about the perceived anonymity of the internet let these people feel they had the right to attack me and it was awful. The only thing I could do was take my mom’s advice to a young version of me: Ignore them. Ignore them and be the best person I could be.
The insults stuck with me, though. They still do.
Thank you for speaking out on this topic, Kristin. I am appalled at the bullying, (and, yes, I’ll call it like it is) directed at you. How dare these individuals hide behind their anonymity and attack you.
Your mother’s advice is great advice, although not always easy to follow.
Readers, I’d also direct you to check out Kristin’s Washington, D.C.-based Candy Sandwich blog. You’ll find some excellent writing, photos and insights from a talented blogger.
Thank you, Audrey!
Time really does help heal all wounds. I feel about a million times better about the situation now than I did then, but I’m still cautious. Criticism and insults stay with us far more than they should. Why don’t we remember the good things so well?
Perhaps because pain hurts and we tend to remember pain.
You are a strong woman, Kristin. And a fantastic writer to boot.
Online comments, whether on Facebook a bulletin board or a blog, are really tricky business. We always seem to play looser with words online when we would in person. My guess is that, when comparing someone’s “real life” persona to their online persona, not many friends would say “wow, you’re so much nicer online.” Usually it’s the opposite. It’s much easier to be a jerk online. I may be giving too much benefit of the doubt to those two posters, but I’m guessing that they’d be more conciliatory if they knew how their comments would trigger childhood bullying memories. But I could be wrong.
As for bullying, I’m very against it and do not tolerate it one iota in my classroom.
You make some good points here, Curtis. I checked out one of the commenters online and, unfortunately, the type of attack I experienced seems pretty typical from this writer.
I think educators have come a long ways (since I was in school) in dealing with bullying issues. I’m curious as to how you handle bullying in your classroom if it happens? That you don’t tolerate it one iota is so good to hear.
Thank you for sharing your view as an educator.
I tell them to cut it out. If it happens again I fill out a Student Case Management form which requires it go into their permanent file and they have to see an administrator. I’ve never had to fill one of those out for bullying.
I saw those two comments and was impressed by the way you handled them. I even showed them to my husband and he said, “Why did she even allow them to be posted?” I said that I assumed you thought long and hard about it and that you were willing to allow divergent voices be heard but that you did a good job of responding to them.
I guess that when I read those two posts I didn’t INITIALLY see them as “bullying”, but rather as petty and rude and uncompromising, coming from people who react rather than stop to think things through. People who are unwilling to see things from a different perspective – to give the benefit of the doubt in a situation that perhaps they don’t fully understand.
For example, they could have asked themselves, “I feel this way about what she wrote, but am I possibly not understanding what she said? Is there another perspective that I should see here? Another meaning or use of a term?” Rather, and unfortunately, they reacted and vented in anger instead of trying to understand you – or even trying, in a KIND WAY – to ask you to clarify.
And yes, after thinking about it this way, I see that their behavior is bullying behavior – to react without caring about the other side/other feelings and to force your view…that totally fits a bully and it totally stinks.
I’m so sorry that you’ve had to deal with this and the emotions that came with it. Our childhood is really not that far away, is it? It can come flashing back in an instant.
You get it. Totally. Excellent summary.
A strong nod and a hoorah to you, Audrey. Sure, your words are read and interpreted and misinterpreted by others, and this will be the case each time you press “publish,” but they are yours, those words, and I hope you’re always proud of them. Your blogging makes a difference! Chin up, fingers on the keys. 🙂
Thank you, Emily. I am proud of my work. Thank you for your support and encouragement.
Audrey,
What a surprise to happen upon your blog! I read Aaron Brown’s blog (MinnesotaBrown) and he mentioned the Moments article, which led me to yours. Ah, bullying. Social media has provided a new realm for bullies, be they high-schoolers on Facebook or adults commenting on online articles and blogs. As you recall, my “accident” in 2007 — being a very public event and all — provided fodder for many online news articles. Because of its impact, everyone seemed to have an opinion about me and every other accident victim — particularly what I “deserved” or didn’t because it involved taxpayer money. I’d read the articles’ reader comments and get quite furious. But as a previous poster of yours mentioned, silence is the best course of retribution. If you’re in the right, others will come to your defense, and that’s usually what happened in my circumstance. Keep fighting the good fight, and keep writing! God bless you and your family — Garrett Ebling
Garrett, what an absolutely wonderful surprise to have you stop by and comment. If I’m remembering correctly from a news report I heard this summer, you are now a father and a small business owner. Congratulations!
I had no idea you were subjected to such treatment after the 35W bridge collapse. Honestly, have people no standards of decency? Especially toward someone like yourself who suffered such terrible injuries and battled his way back to life/health.
You and I have worked in the news business and understand that not everyone will always like what we write. As professionals, we realized that was part of the job. But more and more these days, I’m seeing the types of verbal attacks like those launched at me. People are not stopping to fully think before they write.
Thanks for your encouragement. And, yes, I will most definitely continue writing. It is my passion.
Wow! So sorry this happened Audrey. As you know I’m not really into much but family and silliness, so I’ve been spared this type of behaviour. Not worth giving it even a moments thought though.
Dana
I was totally taken aback by the comments given the subject of my post was anything but controversial. The posters could easily have made their points in a much kinder, gentler fashion.
If anything, I’ve been able to turn these attacks into a positive by addressing the subject of bullying.
Bravo! I’m glad you touched on this. I was not surprised that you posted the comments. It just goes to show you believe in free speech. Everyone may have a thought and even if its different than yours, you still believe in their right to say it. I thought you handled the whole thing very tastefully. I was proud.
I too was bullied as a child. Being a heavy kid didn’t help. My last name was changed to Nerdman. That drove me nuts. In high school I decided that I didn’t care what others thought. It was hard to learn, but it served me well. I ended up being the president of a couple school groups. Was the heaviest kid to be in the plays at school. Was one of the first heavy kids on the pep squad.
I think that people who bully others are insecure about something in their own life.
Thank you, Bernie. It always surprises me to learn how many adults were bullied as children. When will it ever end? At least today the problem is recognized and more is being done to deal with the issue of bullying. Yet all too often, even now, bullying is not addressed.
One of my children was bullied–spit on, pinched, pushed around–and the teacher simply told me that my child should befriend and treat the bully with kindness. Really? You have got to be kidding. The bully obviously had issues (like the insecurity you mentioned, Bernie) that needed to be resolved and my grade school child was not the one to solve them.
I’m so glad you were able to overcome and show those bullies, Bernie. I, too, am a stronger and more compassionate person for having endured bullying. But no child (or adult) should EVER have to experience bullying.