Minnesota Prairie Roots

Writing and photography by Audrey Kletscher Helbling

Six reasons to buy a real Christmas tree December 21, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Audrey Kletscher Helbling @ 8:46 AM
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My very real Christmas tree.

REAL OR FAKE? I’m talking Christmas trees here, folks.

Ever since artificial Christmas trees debuted, and I have no idea when that was, debates have ensued within families about whether the annual holiday tree should be a natural one or a fake one. (I prefer the word “fake” as that seems more accurate than the word “artificial.”)

Yes, given my word preference, you would rightly guess that I prefer a real tree.

Now I have six reasons to support my argument for choosing a natural Christmas tree over an artificial one. Those reasons are revealed in a tale that comes from my Aunt Rachel, a native Minnesotan who retired to Arkansas. I’m quite certain my aunt won’t mind my sharing of this story since she is my godmother and a preserver of family history via her memoirs.

This paragraph is lifted from her holiday letter, which arrived just days ago. She writes:

“The yearly animal story is saved for last because it is recent history. While putting up our artificial Christmas tree (stored in the basement) we were greeted by six mice. The five babies still had closed eyes and could not run, so were easy to capture. The mother tried to hide one baby in our closet, but was frightened and dropped it. Our cat, Xanadu, finally captured the mother and proudly presented it to us.”

Now, I don’t know about you, but this frightening tale of six mice is enough to rid me of any desire to ever purchase an artificial Christmas tree.

Did I mention that I really dislike, detest, abhor, can’t stand and hate mice?

© Copyright 2010 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

Three dumb moments December 20, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Audrey Kletscher Helbling @ 8:30 AM
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HAVE YOU EVER SAID, done or believed something that ranks as stupid/dumb/unbelievable, etc., and shortly thereafter realized your mistake/stupidity/gullibility?

Of course you have, and so have I, plenty of times.

In recent days, I’ve had too many of those moments. Can I blame it on holiday stress, lack of sleep or maybe, more truthfully, myself?

We’ll start with Sunday morning church. As the offering plate is passed down my pew, I hand it along to my husband, who typically pulls our offering envelope from his dress shirt pocket and drops it into the plate.

But he’s not doing that. He’s sitting there holding the collection plate, looking at me with one of those looks that only a spouse can give his/her spouse. We’ve been married long enough that I knew exactly what I hadn’t done.

I unzipped my purse, reached inside and grabbed what I thought was the offering envelope and nearly dropped it into the plate before realizing I was offering God $10 off on a $25 purchase at J.C. Penney.

Later Sunday, apparently still in that dumb mode and while dining with my extended family at a soup lunch I hosted, I was convinced by two brothers-in-law that another brother-in-law had scooped the beets for the borscht from the highway. That would be as in sugar beets that had fallen from an overloaded truck.

Why I believed the pair is beyond me. You would think that after nearly 30 years of knowing these two guys I would realize they are sometimes full of…, well, you know. So I asked the brother-in-law who made the beet-laced borscht (soup) if this was true. Of course it wasn’t and a dozen guests had a good laugh at my expense.

Perhaps my recent dumbest moment occurred a few days ago when I was talking with my second-born, who recently moved to Wisconsin. I asked if, when she was Christmas shopping, she could look for a Minnesota Twins long-sleeved shirt for her sister. I couldn’t find any in Faribault and did not want to run all over the area shopping for one given I detest shopping.

“Um, Mom,” she replied. “I don’t think I’m going to find a Twins shirt in Wisconsin. Maybe a Green Bay Packers shirt.”

Honestly, these stories are all true. Really, could I make up anything as stupid/dumb/unbelievable?

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED in publicly sharing any of your similar memorable moments, submit a comment. With the stress of the holidays, we could all use a few more laughs.

© Copyright 2010 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

A roadside oddity: the Kasota Zoo October 26, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Audrey Kletscher Helbling @ 7:37 AM
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WHEN I WAS A CHILD, I loved the story about The Three Billy Goats Gruff. Do you remember that tale of the three goats planning to cross a bridge, but first encountering a hungry troll?

The goats, beginning with the smallest, tricked the troll into waiting for the next, and bigger, goat. The third, and largest, goat was so big that he easily tossed the troll into oblivion and safely crossed the bridge.

I’m not sure why I enjoyed that tale so much. Maybe because I owned that storybook and my mom read and reread the words until I had them memorized. Or maybe I just appreciated that three goats could outsmart a mean old troll.

Anyway, because of that childhood literary introduction to goats, I’ve always rather enjoyed these mischievous animals. I find them humorous and cute and naughty all at the same time.

So, when I saw a bunch of goats fenced in at the Kasota Zoo several weeks ago, I had to investigate. Believe me, this is unlike any zoo you’ve ever seen. Propped pallets and a hodge podge of fences corral the 32 pygmy goats at this roadside oddity on the southern edge of Kasota.

 

 

The Kasota Zoo, home to 32 pygmy goats.

 

 

The goats have plenty of space to roam at the Kasota Zoo.

 

Toss in rocks and old tires, a bunch of shacks (some covered with tarps) and a few American flags and you have, by far, the strangest, weirdest, oddest, most unusual zoo I have ever visited.

 

 

American flag decor adds a patriotic flair to this down-home zoo.

 

I really question whether this even qualifies as a zoo given I paid no admission and saw no pathways that would take me beyond standing next to the fence watching the goats.

That’s when zookeeper Eugene joined me. I have no idea where he appeared from, but, all of a sudden, there he was. His co-zookeeper, girlfriend Patty, was hunkered down in a lawn chair on the zoo driveway.

I didn’t learn too much from Eugene. He’s not the most talkative fellow. But you can tell he genuinely cares for these goats, which are rotund enough to have eaten a troll or two. His zoo has been here 30-plus years, he says.

He grew up with goats; his dad had milk goats.

But Eugene and Patty raise and care for pygmy goats, which they’ll sell to anyone who wants one.

“Do you have names for all of them?” I ask Eugene.

“That one’s Number 8,” he says, pointing, while I struggle to keep from laughing that a goat would be named Number 8.

But then he picks out Spot and Chucky. That’s more like it, I think—name-names for these inquisitive creatures that have scooted up to the fence to see me.

 

 

Eugene and Patty have named all their goats, although I can't tell you the name of this one.

 

I don’t spend much more time at the Kasota Zoo, just enough for Eugene to tell me that he has a visual impairment and that Patty is legally blind.

 

 

Eugene, the zookeeper at the Kasota Zoo, wears thick glasses, but still struggles to see.

 

I don’t mention a word about trolls to these zookeepers. Not a single word.

© Copyright 2010 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

Country churches & more in fall issue of Minnesota Moments September 1, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Audrey Kletscher Helbling @ 7:51 AM
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THE FALL ISSUE of Minnesota Moments magazine has just published and I’m especially pleased with this issue.

Inside you’ll find an eight-page photo essay I’ve done on old country churches. Within the past year, I’ve been photographing rural churches in southeastern Minnesota, drawn by their history and beauty and by the peace I feel in their often bucolic settings.

Simply put, I can’t get enough of old country churches. Sometimes I’ve even been tempted to break a lock to get inside a sanctuary. But I haven’t and I won’t. That would be a sin, and against the law.

The September/October edition also includes a trio of stories from Austin, Minnesota, where I traveled in March. Downtown I discovered a kitschy little barbecue joint, Piggy Blue’s Bar-B-Que that’s a must-eat-at spot. To see the other sites I visited, you’ll need to read the magazine.

I have additional stories in this issue, plus my regular reviews of three Minnesota-authored books. As always, designer Amy Stirnkorb has worked her magic by transforming my submitted stories and photos into eye-pleasing page lay-outs.

Also, check out my Minnesota Prairie Roots promo on page 55 of the magazine. I designed it and I’m pretty proud of my work. I don’t claim to be a graphic designer. However, I had an idea, went with it and I think the promo truly projects my down-to-earth nature and style. See what you think and give me your feedback.

Of course, I’m not the only writer/photographer for Minnesota Moments. You’ll find an interesting feature about three friends who make wine, a nostalgic garage story, some entertaining essays, squash-growing tips and recipes and lots more.

Be sure to check out the ads too. Without advertising support, the magazine couldn’t exist.

Minnesota Moments should arrive in mailboxes and land on newsstands any day now, so watch for it, or look for it if you’ve never seen the publication.

© Copyright 2010 Audrey Kletscher Helbling