WHEN MEMORIAL DAY ROLLS around each May, my thoughts shift to my dad, who served on the front lines during the Korean War. He survived, albeit with the emotional trauma that comes from killing and constant danger of being killed. His close buddy, though, did not survive. And that is the man I remember and honor today, along with others who’ve lost their lives in service to country.
Corporal Ray W. Scheibe, 22, of Wolbach, Nebraska, died on June 2, 1953, blown apart by a mortar shell. My dad witnessed his horrific death, for war is nothing short of horrible. Ray was scheduled to leave Korea the next day, which makes his story even more tragic. He left behind grieving friends and family, including his wife, Marilyn, and 3-month-old daughter, Terri Rae, whom he had not yet seen. I’ve since found and connected with Terri in Iowa, but have yet to meet her.
It is the individual stories of soldiers like Ray that take war to a personal level. A level that allows us to understand the meaning of the words “killed in action.” My father’s grief in losing Ray became, in some ways, my grief, too.
On Memorial Day we gather in collective grief to remember the many men and women who, like Ray, died while serving in the U.S. military. There will be parades and speeches, patriotic music and poetry, poppies and red-white-and-blue attire. Names read. Tears shed. Taps played. Guns fired. Flags carried. Graves visited.
In our hearts, in the silence of our thoughts, we reflect upon what it truly means to give up life for country as did Ray and 27 other men listed in a July 31, 1953, memorial service bulletin my dad carried home from Korea. Below those names are these words from Scripture: Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends (John 15:13).
I get emotional as I open the creased, soiled and yellowing 72-year-old memorial service program from Such’am-dong, Korea. I’ve tucked it into a shoebox with Dad’s other military papers, photos and belongings to pull out twice annually on Memorial and Veterans Days. I need to read the fading typewritten names, to recognize and honor these men who never made it home.
I reread the list of alphabetized names from Turrell Anderson to Vernie Zurn. Raymond W. Scheibe falls at number 24. The surviving men of the 2nd Battalion, 65th Infantry Regiment, who mourned the 28 on that July day in 1953, carried the heavy weight of grief as they prayed, stood in silence, sang “America the Beautiful” and “My Country, ‘Tis of Thee.” And then they carried that grief home.
Today, even decades after the death of a service member in war, grief carries through generations. It’s important to remember that, to respect that, to take time on Memorial Day for not only honoring, but also for grieving. In grief we begin to acknowledge and process loss. In grief we begin to heal. And in grief we begin to understand the ultimate sacrifice for country.
TELL ME: If you have a story to share about a service member who was killed in action, I’d like to hear. Who do you honor on this Memorial Day?
© Copyright 2025 Audrey Kletscher Helbling
Minnesota Prairie Roots 
Memorial Day: Honoring those who “gave all” May 21, 2026
Tags: commentary, death, holiday, Iran War, Kenyon Veterans Memorial Park, killed in action, Korean War, Memorial Day, Minnesota, Nicole Amor, Owatonna, Owatonna Veterans Memorial, Ray Scheibe, statues, SVJ Creative Designs, veterans, veterans' memorials, war
AS THE DAUGHTER of a U.S. Army infantryman who fought on the front lines during the Korean War, I find myself drawn to veterans’ memorials. They seem a sacred space, a place where bravery, service, strength, sacrifice and grief mingle.
Every memorial I’ve visited in southern Minnesota differs from the next. Yet the essence remains the same as a site to honor those who have served, some ultimately dying in service to country.
Memorial Day marks a national holiday to remember those who made the ultimate sacrifice by losing their lives. Whether necessary or unnecessary, war is hard and awful. It claims lives, forever changes people, rewrites history, traumatizes. My dad would tell you that. I saw firsthand the trauma Dad experienced from serving in Korea. He killed the enemy, so close he could see the whites of their eyes. He saw his friend blown apart on the battlefield the day before Ray was to return home to his wife and infant daughter in Nebraska.
For every story like this, thousands more exist.
And so every veterans’ memorial is a tribute to the men and women who are more than names and dates on plaques, but individuals with loving families, friends and communities. Individuals with stories from their time in service.
If I let my mind wander while viewing a veterans’ memorial, I can imagine the stories. Inspirational quotes, photos and life-size statues of military members make it easier for me to see beyond the names and dates to real people.
At every southern Minnesota veterans’ memorial I’ve visited, and I’ve been to a lot, statues have only portrayed male soldiers. Until recently. The Owatonna Veterans Memorial includes a female soldier. She stands next to a kneeling soldier with a battlefield cross. And on the far side of the memorial site stands a statue of a Vietnam War soldier carrying his fallen comrade draped across his shoulders.
“All gave some, some gave all.” Sgt. 1st Class Nicole Amor of White Bear Lake gave her all on March 1, 2026. She was among four American soldiers who died after a drone strike on a command center in Kuwait during the Iran War. The wife and mother of two was just days from returning home to Minnesota. Just like my dad’s 22-year-old friend Ray, who was killed in Korea 73 years ago on the day before he was to head home to Nebraska.
This Memorial Day, as this country is once again engaged in war, I wonder how many more men and women will die. How many more names will be added to memorials around the country with plaques noting KIA (killed in action)?
Monday may mean simply a day off to some or the kick-off to summer for others. But Memorial Day is really about honoring the brave men and women who have died in service to country. It’s important to remember that, to attend a Memorial Day parade or program, to walk among gravestones, to visit a veterans’ memorial. To focus on gratitude. To grieve. To remember and honor those who “gave all.”
FYI: The Owatonna Veterans Memorial is located on the northwest corner of 18th Street and Austin Road by the Steele County History Center. The Moonlighters Exchange Club spearheaded the project and fundraising for the memorial dedicated in November 2023.
© Copyright 2026 Audrey Kletscher Helbling