Minnesota Prairie Roots

Writing and photography by Audrey Kletscher Helbling

Operation: 23 to Zero, a closer look November 14, 2023

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Following the Veterans Day program, attendees view the Operation: 23 to Zero display. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo November 2023)

HEARTBREAKING, POWERFUL, IMPACTFUL. Those three words fit my reaction to the 23 boots ringing the central plaza at the Rice County Veterans Memorial in Faribault on Veterans Day. Each set of boots represented a service man or woman who committed suicide. Each boot held a name, and often a photo, personalizing this Operation: 23 to Zero display.

A bumper sticker on a truck parked by the courthouse on Saturday. Shoulder to Shoulder identifies a support group in Faribault. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo November 2023)

The nonprofit, according to an informational brochure, “is an effort to curb the massive suicide rates of veteran and military suicide through awareness and providing a network of fellow military members to connect with for help and support.” Twenty-two veterans and one active military member die by suicide daily on average.

Honoring Cole J. Lutz, 35, of Grantsburg, Wisconsin. The red rose shows love for the surviving families while teal or purple carnations are the colors of suicide awareness. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo November 2023)

Those statistics are heartbreaking. And when a face, a name, are connected to the numbers, the depth of this loss becomes all too real. The circle of boots in Faribault, placed their during a 23-hour Critical Overwatch on November 10-11, presented a strong visual defining this loss of life.

Honoring Nicole A. Burnham. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo November 2023)

Among those were several Minnesotans, including Joel B. Costa, 32, of Duluth, formerly of Stillwater, and Nicole A. Burnham, 21, of Andover. As I looked at their individual boots, I read loving messages, studied a photo of Nicole, a young woman with an engaging smile that reached her eyes. And I wondered about the mental anguish the two soldiers endured.

Veterans Day service attendees stand on the Veterans Memorial plaza near the circle of boots. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo November 2023)

Nicole’s story is one of multiple sexual assaults and harassment while serving in the military. Local and national media covered her story following her January 2018 death by suicide. What she experienced is horrible, unfathomable, traumatic.

Loving messages written on boots honoring Joel Costa. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo November 2023)

I don’t know Joel’s story. But I do know this. Like Nicole, he was deeply loved. “Love you more than life” reads one message written in black marker on his boots. An “in loving memory” tag encourages: “No act of kindness is ever wasted. Pass it on.” His online obituary directs mourners to donate to Operation: 23 to Zero.

Those who participated in the Critical Overwatch event and those who donated flowers, beverages and snacks were showing they care. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo November 2023)

A tag on Nicole’s boots leaves a similar message: “Leave footprints of love and kindness wherever you go.” And “Stop the stigma. It’s OK to ask for help.” Help is available via texting or calling 988, the Suicide and Crisis Line, staffed 24/7.

A powerful message… (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo November 2023)

At the Critical Overwatch event/Veterans Day ceremony in Faribault, a sign propped near the circle of boots made it clear that all are loved. “If you are looking for a sign NOT to kill yourself today—This is it. You are loved. You do belong. You are worthy.” I expect someone in the crowd gathered outside the courthouse read that message and felt a sense of hope, of purpose.

Honoring Asia Graham of North Carolina. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo November 2023)

That poster reinforces the message printed in a brochure I got a while ago from Kirk Mansfield, a Navy veteran from Faribault who works tirelessly to help local veterans, primarily through Operation: 23 to Zero. Here’s the printed directive: “Call or visit your Veteran/military family and friends. Check in with them on a regular basis, especially if you know they are struggling with issues. Do not put if off until another day. For those who live on the edge of life, for those who suffer in silence, they cannot wait a moment longer. Become educated. Help where you are able. Make the call.”

You are worthy. They were worthy. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo November 2023)

Time, plus care, plus listening, plus loving, plus supporting can help. Nicole mattered. Joel mattered. And so did the 21 other service men and women represented in that circle of boots staged at the Rice County Veterans Memorial in Faribault. My heart breaks…

© Copyright 2023 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

Experiencing Veterans Day in Faribault November 12, 2023

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The Honor Guard and Color Guard in place for the Veterans Day ceremony in Faribault. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo November 2023)

IT WAS, FOR MANY, an emotional day. A day of remembering, grieving, honoring, respecting. Veterans Day held all of those for me and many others who gathered in my community to honor those who have served our country in the military. That includes my father, a U.S. Army combat soldier in the Korean War.

A crowd gathers Saturday morning for a short Veterans Day program outside the Rice County courthouse. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo November 2023)

This emotion-filled day began for me on the eleventh hour on the eleventh day in the eleventh month at the Rice County Veterans Memorial fronting the courthouse along busy Fourth Street in Faribault. In history, all those elevens mark the signing of the armistice between the Allies of World War I and Germany. The cease fire occurred at 11 a.m on November 11, 1918.

A member of the Honor Guard. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo November 2023)

The only firing on this November 11 in Faribault was that of the Honor Guard shooting blanks from rifles.

A sizeable crowd gathers at the Rice County Veterans’ Memorial. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo November 2023)

Upon my arrival at the courthouse lawn, I noticed first veterans, the American and other flags, the crowd and the red. Red coats. Red roses. Red symbolizes patriotism, sacrifice and bloodshed. And red in a rose symbolizes love.

Among the 23 pairs of boots honoring a veteran who committed suicide. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo November 2023)

Those red roses were lovingly placed aside blue carnations in 23 boots representing the 23 American veterans who daily commit suicide. Local organizers of Operation: 23 to Zero, an organization that raises awareness about vet-related issues, including suicide and PTSD, set up the display and stood watch for 23 hours in honor of those who took their lives. Cole, Damian, Joel, Brandon, Nicole…

Operation: 23 to Zero display on the memorial plaza. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo November 2023)

Those boots circled the central monument focus of eagle and dove. Individual slabs of stone for each military branch edge that circle with fitting inscriptions like THIS WE DEFEND. A sign propped against one of the stones offered encouragement, a strong message of hope, and it touched me deeply: “If you are looking for a sign NOT to kill yourself today—This is it. You are loved. You do belong. You are worthy.”

Steve Bonde plays taps, hauntingly mournful. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo November 2023)

Although I knew none of the service men and women who died by suicide, I felt sadness and grief filling my thoughts. I could sense the collective grief, the somberness. This small circle of 23 boots on the veterans plaza seemed a sacred space.

Faribault firefighters were among those in attendance. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo November 2023)

In the deafening noise of traffic from the nearby busy street and the mostly too low amplification system, I struggled to hear any of the speakers. So I focused instead on observing. I was pleased to see a cross-section of ages from children in parents’ arms to teens to young adults to middle age to aged. The presence of young people, especially, pleases me, for they, too, need to understand the meaning and importance of Veterans Day.

Among the hundreds of pavers surrounding the memorial. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo November 2023)

In the all of the gathering at the veterans memorial in Faribault, I felt not only deep emotions, but also pride in country and a unity that is not often seen these days. On this single day, this November 11, we came together to honor our veterans, despite our personal political viewpoints.

Memorable bumper sticker. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo November 2023)

A bumper sticker I noticed on a Vietnam veteran’s vehicle summarizes well the intent, the goal of those who have served abroad in war. “We went over there so you could be here.” It’s a seemingly simple phrase, yet profound in depth.

FYI: Please check back for more photos of the Operation: 23 to Zero display and a post about more Veterans Day events I attended in Faribault. It was a full day.

© Copyright 2023 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

Fiction focus on teens’ mental health with Van Gogh thrown in the mix June 21, 2023

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I NEARLY WALKED OUT of church once during a sermon. The pastor called Vincent Van Gogh “crazy.” Yes, the artist suffered from mental illness. But labeling him as “crazy” did not sit well with me. I find the term derogatory and disrespectful of anyone battling a mental health issue.

So when I picked up a newly-released book, Screw You Van Gogh, by Minnesotan Jeff Howard, I wondered how the Dutch painter would fit into the story line. Turns out the reference to the artist, who battled anxiety and depression, was held in asylums for the insane and eventually committed suicide, proved a good focal point for a story about high school students.

This fictional book, based on real life experiences, is not a feel good story about teenagers. But rather, this story is heavy, heavy with the issues teens face. Depression. Anxiety. Bullying. Relationship struggles. Trauma from abuse. Pressure to do well. And more.

WRITING WITH AUTHENTICITY

The author, a high school counselor for the past 15 years, writes with authenticity. A main character in the book, Michael Burns, is a counselor at Roosevelt High School. Therein comes the Van Gogh reference. Burns has a jigsaw puzzle of the artist’s painting, “Starry Night,” in his office for kids to work on with him. One of those students is Cassidy Towers, 16, new to Masonville, Iowa, and dealing with panic attacks, suicidal thoughts and more.

As the plot unfolds, so does a certain familiarity. This could be a high school anywhere so real are the characters. The popular kids. The quiet ones who follow the rules. The kids who, on the outside, appear not to give a damn about what they say or do, but who are hurting inside, hiding their truth. Like Tommi, who befriends Cassidy. She is in counseling for severe anxiety and depression, a fact she hides from her classmates. “Tommi could not bear the thought of people knowing she was crazy,” Howard writes.

There’s that word, “crazy,” again. But this time it fits because this is the thinking of a high school student with thoughts of suicide that sometimes “crept into her mind like an evil spirit.” As Tommi and Cassidy’s friendship grows, so does Cassidy’s awareness of Tommi’s struggles. She observes the vacant look in her friend’s eyes, her unkempt appearance, her repetitive petting of a kitten, all signs of Tommi’s declining mental health. By this time, Cassidy has worked through her own mental health issues via talking with the high school counselor, an improved relationship with her mother and using tools (like music) to help her cope.

HELP, HOPE & STIGMA

The author, given his professional work as a counselor, includes helpful ways to deal with anxiety, depression and more. Like Cassidy’s use of music. He emphasizes listening, empathy, deep breathing, hope…

He also addresses the ongoing stigma attached to mental illness. In a conversation with Cassidy, fictional counselor Burns talks about Van Gogh and how he grew anxious and depressed after art experts criticized his impressionist style of painting. Van Gogh turned to alcohol. Burns tells Cassidy that people, especially teens, “don’t want to admit they need help because that makes them weird.” And, because of that sometimes people “crash,” he says. That happens in this book, in a tragic way.

HUNTING & HOTDISH

Within all the heaviness of Screw You Van Gogh are the subplots of counselor Burns’ personal life and relationships and then a budding relationship between Cassidy and classmate Patrick, who once called her “a little crazy” and “goofy upstairs.” When the teens eventually go on a first date, it’s not to a movie, but pheasant hunting. That proved a lighthearted moment for me in the reading of this book. Oh, how rural Iowa/Minnesota, I thought. And then when the author threw in Minnesota’s signature tater tot hotdish served in the school cafeteria, I laughed aloud.

This book is authentic through and through and should be read by every teen, every parent, every educator, every counselor… And perhaps every counselor should purchase the jigsaw puzzle “Starry Night” as a tool to get kids to open up about their emotions, experiences, struggles, as Van Gogh did via his painting.

© Copyright 2023 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

About that man named Ove March 10, 2023

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Book cover source: Goodreads

I NEARLY STOPPED READING the book several chapters in. The content weighed on me, so emotionally heavy that I wondered if I could continue. But then the story line began to unfold in a more hopeful way. And I read on.

By the time I reached the final chapter of A Man Called Ove, I was so invested in this book, the characters and relationships that formed, the way lives intertwined to save a life, that I wondered why I ever considered not finishing.

This 2014 international bestselling novel by Swedish blogger and columnist Fredrik Backman now ranks as a favorite book of mine. It made me cry. Correction. Sob. I struggled to read the final pages as tears blurred my vision. It’s been awhile since a work of fiction has spawned such a heart-wrenching emotional reaction.

I challenge you to pick up this book and read about aging Ove and his grief and grumpiness and outspokenness and how the edges of his hardness begin to soften. I laughed. I cried. I worried. I felt hopeful. I cheered. I wanted to give Ove a kick in the pants. I pondered. I related.

The mix of emotions elicited by A Man Called Ove tells me one thing. This is a remarkable book. The writing. The way mental health weaves into the story. There’s no avoidance of hard topics—of bullying and trauma and loss and grief and obsessive compulsive behavior and suicide and the way the mind wraps and detours and struggles and copes.

Into all of this, the author brings hope. In new neighbors. In a mangy cat. In a teen with sooty eyes and a determined journalist and a friend with dementia. I appreciate how, in the end, differences matter not. It’s that kind of book. Real. Honest. Heart-breaking.

I did not see the American movie, “A Man Called Otto,” based on the book. I’ve been told it’s good by some, advised by others to watch the Swedish version instead. Usually I’m disappointed in film adaptations. I haven’t seen a movie on the big screen in many years.

This Sunday evening, movies will be front and center in Los Angeles as “best of” awards are presented at The Oscars. I didn’t find “A Man Called Otto” (or any of the actors/actresses) on a quick scroll through The Academy Awards nominees list. Tom Hanks stars as Otto. I’m not into Hollywood events like this, although certainly they are important to honor those who do outstanding work in their craft. Rather, I prefer books, where I can read and then visualize people, scenes, interactions. My imagination unleashes, prompted by the writing of creatives passionate about the written word.

TELL ME: Have you read A Man Called Ove and/or seen the Swedish or American film based on the novel? I’d like to hear your reactions to either or both.

Thank you to readers Ken and Colleen who suggested I read this book.

© Copyright 2023 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

Event raises awareness of mental health issues with practical help January 22, 2019

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Minnesota Prairie Roots file photo used for illustration only.

 

I EXPECT EVERY SINGLE ONE of you has experienced the loss of someone you know to suicide. I expect also that every single one of you has been affected by mental health issues, directly or indirectly. That is reality. A reality that today is getting more exposure as we realize the importance of mental health and of helping one another through life’s challenges.

We are not meant to deal with stuff alone. I firmly believe that. No one, no matter how strong they appear, lives free of struggles. So, yeah, that person, that family, who seem to have it all together, to live the perfect lives, well, don’t believe it for a second. Every. Single. One. Of us. Has something.

I’m especially grateful for the increased awareness of mental health issues in recent years. We mostly no longer shush talk on the topic of mental illness. That is a good thing.

In Minnesota, recent attention has focused on the mental health of farmers, who deal with a tremendous amount of stress. I get it. Indirectly. My dad farmed. Stresses of work, weather, finances, crop prices and more loomed always. Add to that my dad’s post traumatic stress disorder from fighting on the front lines during the Korean War and he struggled at times. Except back then such struggles weren’t acknowledged. He’s been gone for 16 years now, too late to benefit from today’s enlightenment.

 

Source: The Galaxy

 

This coming Sunday, January 27, We Walk 4 Life Suicide Prevention and Mental Health Awareness presents a free public educational event with Stories of Hope & Healing. And practical training on Question, Persuade and Refer (QPR), described as “3 simple steps anyone can learn to help save a life from suicide.” CPR for mental health.

Ted Matthews, a rural Minnesota mental health counselor, is the keynote speaker during the 1 – 5 p.m. event at Immanuel Lutheran Church in Gaylord. Two survivors of loved ones who committed suicide will also talk. The high risk for suicide groups of farmers and youth will be the focus of Sunday’s We Walk 4 Life.

I applaud this community effort to educate, increase awareness, open discussion and save lives. Together we can form those personal connections, show that care, refer to professionals who can, and do, make a difference. No one should ever have to go life alone. No matter how alone they feel.

Thoughts?

Please note that QPR training at the Sunday event requires pre-registration by calling (507) 381-4082. Class size is limited.

© Copyright 2019 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

Raising awareness of PTSD, moral injury & suicide & how we can help March 31, 2017

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The veterans of Shieldsville and elsewhere are honored in this “Never Forgotten” memorial. Minnesota Prairie Roots file photo.

 

I WISH I’D KNOWN then what I know now.

How often have you thought that following an epiphany moment? That came for me Wednesday evening during a community meeting and film screening at the Faribault American Legion Post 43 on post traumatic stress disorder and the related topic of suicide.

 

This photo from my dad’s collection is tagged as “Kim, Rowe, Allen & me, May 1953 Machine Gun Crew.” That’s my father on the right.

 

I walked away from the gathering with a new perspective and regrets that I hadn’t thoroughly understood the mental anguish suffered by my Korean War veteran father. He fought on the front line as an infantryman—kill or be killed. As a result, he dealt with life-long issues that greatly affected his life and thus his family, too. He died 14 years ago on April 3.

 

My father, Elvern Kletscher, on the left with two of his soldier buddies in Korea.

 

Now, just days before the anniversary of his death, I gained insight beyond his PTSD diagnosis. I learned of the term “moral injury.” In a separate clip shown before airing of the feature film “Almost Sunrise,” a soldier explained how the realities of war can inflict wounds upon the soul. As I listened, the concept made total sense to me. Here was my dad, armed with a rifle and other weapons, forced to shoot the enemy or die. To take the life of another human countered everything he held to be morally right. I can only imagine how that tore him apart. It would anyone.

 

My dad carried home a July 31, 1953, memorial service bulletin from Sucham-dong, Korea. In the right column is listed the name of his fallen buddy, Raymond W. Scheibe.

 

I recall his few stories of being so near the enemy that he could see the whites of their eyes. “Shoot or be shot,” he told me. I observed, too, the lingering pain he felt in watching his buddy Ray blown apart the day before the Nebraska solider was to leave Korea. I remember Dad’s stories also of Korean children begging for food across a barbed wire fence.

 

My dad’s military marker in the Vesta City Cemetery.

 

Dad was wounded in Korea, struck by shrapnel on Heartbreak Ridge. He earned a Purple Heart, awarded some 50 years after he left the battlefield. While his physical injuries healed, the wounds to his heart, to his soul, remained. He suffered from life-long moral injury, as I see it now.

 

The number 23 represents the 22 veterans and one active duty military individual who commit suicide daily. The goal is to bring that number to zero. Graphics credit: Operation 23 to Zero.

 

I am grateful to the local Legion and Faribault Elks Lodge, specifically to Kirk Mansfield, a strong local advocate for veterans and head of Operation 23 to Zero in southern Minnesota, for organizing Wednesday’s community event. Operation 23 strives to help veterans and to create awareness of PTSD, suicide and more.

 

Promo graphics credit of “Almost Sunrise.”

 

Showing of “Almost Sunrise,” a film that followed two Iraqi War veterans on a 2,700 trek from Milwaukee to Los Angeles, also gave me insights into the personal demons soldiers face upon returning home from the battlefield. It is a touching film that left me crying. The Wisconsin soldiers, as they walked across the country and in follow-up therapy, found personal and relationship healing. They found the strength within to forgive themselves. Only they—not their families—could lead them to that point of healing.

While Wednesday’s event focused on veterans, the information shared can apply to anyone who has suffered from PTSD, whether from domestic abuse or other trauma, Mansfield noted.

In a separate clip from the film, a speaker offered these tips for helping individuals dealing with mental health challenges:

  • Show empathy by listening.
  • Remind the individual that he/she has a purpose in life.
  • Offer to be a mentor.
  • Reiterate how important they are to you. Tell them they matter.

That’s great advice.

 

I photographed this pillow last September when the Vietnam Traveling Memorial Wall came to Faribult. The veteran volunteering in the MIA-POW tent told me his wife sewed this pillow from an over-sized t-shirt. As the message conveys, we all need to be here for one another.

 

Mansfield challenged those in attendance to take what they’d just learned and help others. So I am, with this story. I have the ability to use the written word to create awareness. When we are educated and aware, then we can begin to help our family members, our friends, our co-workers, our acquaintances via listening, supporting, encouraging and reminding them just how much they mean to us. That is powerful.

 

FYI: To read a story I wrote about my dad, “Faith & Hope in a Land of Heartbreak,” published in the book, God Answers Prayers, Military Edition (page 12), click here.

© Copyright 2017 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

Grieving one gone too young July 31, 2014

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Valley Grove cemetery - Copy

 

I’D NEVER MET THE PARENTS, only knew their son from company gatherings.

But on a recent Thursday evening, I waited in line at a funeral home to pay my respects to the 25-year-old, my husband’s former co-worker, who took his own life.

As Randy and I snail paced through the winding line of mourners, past countless photo displays, I observed. Never have I attended a visitation with such quietness. Barely a sound in this carpeted room where mostly young men stood, their eyes focused on images sliding across a screen. Their friend, once so vibrant and alive, now gone, his closed casket on the other side of the room.

It made me incredibly sad to witness this. This grief tucked inside these young men who should not be here but rather tooling around in their pick-ups on a perfect Minnesota summer evening. Never have I seen so many trucks parked, and young adults gathered, outside a funeral home.

It made me incredibly sad to witness this.

I watched as a twenty-something slipped his arm around his significant other when they paused at the casket. Her grief ran deep and I expect so did his.

Grief rose inside me, too, and threatened to spill into tears for a young man I barely knew. But he is around the age of my own children and, as a mother, I cannot imagine such a loss. This is not the natural order of life, to lose a child.

I wondered, as we edged toward the family, past the displays of caps and replica cars and framed certifications, what I would say. How do you comfort?

At times like this, words seem futile. I wanted, in some small way also, to console the 12-year-old brother who occasionally turned and sheltered himself into his towering father’s side. He appeared invisible to other mourners. But I noticed him and his pain.

When we reached the brother, I asked his name. And he spoke with such softness that the father had to repeat his name. And then I asked to hug the 12-year-old and he allowed me to do so. Twice. And I told him he was loved.

And then the story spilled out—how he had given his older brother his nickname because he could not, as a young child, pronounce his sibling’s name. And for a moment a smile flitted across the pre-teen’s face and the father and I laughed. And I told the 12-year-old that he will always have that special connection to his brother.

Sometimes grieving families need moments like this and only sparse words of sincere sympathy. I offered such words and hugs and held hands, too, and felt the clench of grief.

© Copyright 2014 Audrey Kletscher Helbling