Minnesota Prairie Roots

Writing and photography by Audrey Kletscher Helbling

Time passages September 26, 2014

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I recently started collecting alarm clocks and now have four, three Westclox and one General Electric.

I recently started collecting alarm clocks and now have four, three Westclox and one General Electric.

NEVER HAVE I BEEN MORE COGNIZANT of the passage of time than during this past year.

I can’t pinpoint a precise reason for this deep sense of time fleeting. Rather, a combination of life events has spawned this feeling.

A year ago, my eldest married. Although she graduated and left home 10 years ago and her sister two years later, only two years have passed since my youngest started college. He’s in his third year now, his second in Boston. He spent the summer there, too, working. I haven’t seen him in three months, won’t see him for another three.

I miss him and the girls—their closeness, the hugs, the conversation, the everything (almost) that comes with parenting children you love beyond words. Too many days I wish only to turn back the moments.

I wish again to be that young mom, with issues no bigger than the occasional two-year-old’s tantrum or the snarky teen or a kid I can’t rouse from bed or the picky eater. But when you’re handling such challenges, they seem ominous and big and looming. Ridiculous.

If only we knew.

Granted, I am, as the old adage says, “older and wiser.” But such wisdom comes via life experiences that color hair gray. Or maybe not solely. Time does that, too.

I am now the daughter with a mother in a nursing home, my father in his grave for nearly a dozen years. A friend noted the other day that he never saw his parents grow old to the age of needing his care. And I wondered if that was good or bad and then I didn’t want to think about it anymore.

I am now so close to age sixty that I feel my fingers reflexively curving around the numbers.

Which brings me to today, my birthday.

© Copyright 2014 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

Whirlwind weekend of activity & emotions September 18, 2014

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HAVE YOU EVER FELT just so exhausted, physically and emotionally, that you wish you could lie down and sleep for years?

After three weekends of traveling to southwestern Minnesota for family and other events and to clean my mom’s house, I am exhausted.

This past weekend my husband and I put 475 miles on our van crisscrossing the state and also the roads of Redwood County.

The beautiful handcrafted LFL donated to my hometown of Vesta.

The beautiful handcrafted Little Free Library donated to my hometown of Vesta in 2012 and installed outside the Vesta Cafe. There are also shelves of donated books inside the cafe for locals to read in this community without a  city library. I donated two boxes of my mom’s books.  Minnesota Prairie Roots file photo.

Saturday morning saw us exiting Faribault by 6:45 a.m. for the nearly 2 ½-hour drive to my hometown of Vesta. By the time we arrived around 9:15 a.m. to drop off books for the Little Free Library at the Vesta Cafe, I was already yawning. And we hadn’t even started cleaning at Mom’s house, a process which would take five hours on this Saturday. But I’d already been awake since 5 a.m.

One of numerous banners displayed in the farming community of Belview.

One of numerous banners displayed in the farming community of Belview. Minnesota Prairie Roots file photo.

By 2 p.m., we were headed 12 miles north and east to Belview to see Mom in the nursing home. Randy cat napped on her bed while I perched on the seat of Mom’s walker and visited with her.

Our weekend travels took us deep into southern Minnesota farm country.

Our weekend travels took us deep into southern Minnesota farm country.

Then we aimed south for the 45-minute drive to my brother and sister-in-law’s rural Lamberton home. Randy suggested I nap, and I tried. But even the hypnotic rhythm of travel and the warm sunshine streaming through the van windows were not quite enough to lull me asleep. It was the emotional upheaval of the day that kept me awake.

Me, left, with two of my best friends from high school, Margie and Sharon.

Me, left, with two of my best friends from high school, Margie and Sharon, at our 40th Wabasso High School class reunion.

A quick shower and change at my brother’s house and we were back on the road driving toward Wabasso for my 40th high school class reunion. We partied until nearly midnight and I managed only a fitful night of sleep before rolling out of bed at 7:30 a.m.

Nearing the other end of the 35W bridge.

We crossed the Interstate 35W bridge on our way home. Minnesota Prairie Roots file photo.

We were on the road by 9:30 a.m. driving north and east toward rural Wyoming, Minnesota, for a sister-in-law’s 50th birthday party. About two-thirds of the way into the 3 ½-hour drive, I started whining like a kid, “Are we there yet? I just want to get there. I hope there’s some food left. I’m hungry.” The crankiness kicked in about the same time we rolled into heavy metro area traffic.

My husband, bless him, understood. He understood that stress and lack of sleep had morphed me into an overtired and crabby wife.

We arrived at the birthday girl’s home to find plenty of delicious food awaiting us. I pasted a smile on my face. After a few hours of visiting and relaxing in the sunshine of a perfect autumn afternoon, we took down the tent we lent to the party host, loaded it into our van and headed south to our next destination—the home of our eldest daughter and son-in-law.

My eldest daughter, Amber, and her husband, Marc, pose in front of the home they recently purchased in a Twin Cities suburb. Minnesota Prairie Roots file photo.

My eldest daughter, Amber, and her husband, Marc, in front of the home they recently purchased in a Twin Cities suburb. Minnesota Prairie Roots file photo.

About a half hour later we arrived, unloaded the stuff we’d hauled from my mom’s house, and soon settled into a comfortable spot on the sofa, me with a much-welcomed soothing glass of wine. For a few hours we savored our time with Amber and Marc and our son-in-law’s parents visiting from California.

Full stomach, a little wine…and that sleepy feeling drifted over me again, before we were out the door on the final stretch home. One hour to Faribault. Darkness descending. Headlights beaming too bright in my tired eyes. Rain falling. Wipers swiping. Home at 8:15 p.m. Finally.

Then, unpacking.

What a whirlwind weekend, crammed with too much of everything. Too much time in the van. Too many activities. Too much emotion. Too little sleep.

And we didn’t even make two other events—a book release party in northern Minnesota where I was to read my winning poem and a barn dance fundraiser.

I am beyond exhausted. Drained. Physically and emotionally.

© Copyright 2014 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

Wabasso High Class of 1974 celebrates 40 years since graduation September 16, 2014

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FORTY YEARS AGO, my Wabasso High School graduating class voted “Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road” as our class song.

But our senior class advisers nixed the choice and “We May Never Pass This Way Again” became our theme song instead.

We never were a class to follow the norm, to keep quiet, to go along with whatever the adults desired. We were outspoken teens—some more than others—challenging authority, growing into adulthood in the turbulent early seventies. Kids who’d just missed sending our male classmates off to fight in Vietnam.

The Wabasso High School Class of 1974 fortieth year reunion.

The Wabasso High School Class of 1974 fortieth year reunion group photo. That’s a teacher seated in the front row, right. I’m in the back row near the middle with the pink, white and black striped shirt. Photo by Randy Helbling.

This past Saturday we gathered at the community center (and then moved to the Roadhouse Bar & Grill) in the southwestern Minnesota prairie town of Wabasso to reminisce about our school days and to celebrate the 40th anniversary of our graduation in May 1974.

Forty years. How do four decades pass that quickly?

WHS reunion pic 7 and 8

Maybe we haven’t grow up so much. Or perhaps it’s just that we still like to have fun.

So much has changed, yet so little. We’ve grown up and reached the point in our lives when we realize life is too short, that the years we shared are worth celebrating.

In responding to questions for a reunion book I helped pull together, nearly every single classmate wrote that the best thing to happen to them since high school was getting married and having children. There was not a single answer like “I’m rich, live in a mansion and run a Fortune 500 company.” Not a single person placed wealth or career above family.

One other question—What has been the most influential book you’re read since high school?—also garnered a single most popular response—the bible. Many classmates wrote of their spiritual growth and the importance of God and faith in their lives.

On the right are the three of us from Vesta who attended the reunion.

On the right are the three of us from Vesta who attended the reunion. Micki, Dallas and I grew up on farms within a mile of each other. That’s a V, for Vesta, that we’re shaping with our hands in the top image.

This was, by far, the best class reunion of all I’ve attended. And I believe I’ve missed only two.

We mingled and laughed and talked about our kids and grandkids (those who have them) and all sorts of things and simply had a really good time. There was no cornering off of friends, no division, none of those issues that seem to plague classes even decades later.

How many classmates can cram into a photobooth, left, and four members of the reunion committee, right.

How many classmates can cram into a photobooth, left, and four members of the reunion committee, right.

As one of my 88 classmates noted, we were always a class that got along. He’s right. At one point Saturday evening, we crammed as many people as possible into a photo booth (New Ulm-based Up All Night Photobooth) contracted for the event. I was an initial naysayer on the photo booth. But I’d recommend it. The photo sessions got us out of our chairs and totally mixing it up.

My husband and I pose for a photo that I told him will be our Christmas card. In the photo to the right is Lindsey, right front, whom I have not seen in 40 years. He promised to return for the next reunion.

My husband and I pose for a photo that I told him will be our Christmas card. In the photo to the right is Lindsey, right front, whom I have not seen in 40 years. He promised to return for the next reunion.

I saw classmates I have not seen in 40 years. And, yes, I had to sneak a sly peek at several name tags to identify people. But for the most part, I recognized my 29 classmates and the single teacher in attendance.

One classmate told me I still looked the same. I took that as a compliment. Obviously, he didn’t notice the gray hair, the creases in my face or the pounds added since I was a hip hugger, mini skirt, hot pants, go-go boot wearing teenager.

© Copyright 2014 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

Oh, to be a kid at a wedding September 10, 2014

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KIDS ARE SO MUCH a part of my niece’s life that their participation in her September 6 wedding seemed natural and fitting. Carlyn works in her mom’s family daycare.

Darling flower girls, Ellen and Lainey, never made it to the front of the church to stand with the rest of the bridal party. One of the two burst into tears and then both wedged onto the laps of the bride’s parents, who cuddled these little girls for much of the service. That’s how much my eldest brother and his wife love these two.

The ring bearers, Hank and Connor, cute as cute can be in their black pants, white shirts and suspenders and dress shoes, managed to reach the front of the church. But then they roamed throughout the ceremony. Down the aisle and back up front. Then reverse.

No crying, though, after the initial flower girl’s outburst. So that was good. The cuteness factor just made you smile.

Two wedding guests and ringbearer Hank gathered on the church sidewalk next to the receiving line.

Two wedding guests and ring bearer, Hank, gathered on the church sidewalk next to the receiving line.

Afterward, during the hour-long congratulatory/receiving line process, kids played, wandered and ran outside the church. And when I spotted three of them, including my great nephew Hank, focused on something on the sidewalk, I honed in with my camera. They were oblivious to my presence.

Focused on...

Focused on…

What, I wondered, fascinated them?

Hank needed a drink from his sippie cup, which he toted around most of the afternoon.

Hank needed a drink from his sippie cup, which he toted around most of the afternoon.

Birdseed. Bagged birdseed to be opened and tossed at the bride and groom. It takes so little to entertain kids.

I wish many times now that life was as simple and uncomplicated as opening a bag of birdseed and spilling the contents onto a sidewalk.

© Copyright 2014 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

My beautiful niece on her wedding day September 9, 2014

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Carlyn and Jared leave the church in the early evening, showered with birdseed.

Showered with birdseed, Carlyn and Jared leave the church in the gorgeous early evening light of a perfect September day.

IT’S SO CLICHE to say that the bride was radiant. But no other word seems fitting for my niece, Carlyn, so in love with her now-husband, Jared, her high school sweetheart whom she married on Saturday at English Lutheran Church in Walnut Grove.

Just a historical note here. The English Lutheran church bell dates back to the late 1800s, when Charles Ingalls, the father of author Laura Ingalls Wilder, donated monies toward its purchase.

Lots and lots of birdseed tossed.

Lots and lots of birdseed tossed at the newlyweds.

The bridal couple, family and guests walked below that bell Saturday before witnessing a beautiful ceremony celebrating faith and family and the beginning of a new life together.

Look at how happy they are...

Look at how happy they are…that loving look Jared is giving his new bride.

Carlyn cried more than any bride I’ve ever seen. Cried walking down the aisle. Cried during the ceremony. Cried when she hugged her parents. So much emotion overwhelming her.

That look, oh, that look on the new groom's face...

That look, oh, that look on the new groom’s face after the ceremony.

And I thought how fortunate she is to live only blocks from her parents, to work side-by-side with her mother in a family-owned daycare. Likewise, Jared works with his father on their nearby farm.

Instead of signing their names in a guestbook, guests signed the leaves on this tree.

Instead of signing their names in a guestbook, guests signed the leaves on this tree.

These newlyweds will be surrounded by those who have loved and nurtured and cared for them their entire lives.

I watched as kids wove freely among adults on the church grounds and at the reception in the Westbrook Community Center. Small town carefree. Connected. Something you wouldn’t see at a wedding reception in a larger community.

Jared and Carlyn await their introduction and entry into the reception hall.

Jared and Carlyn await their introduction and entry into the reception hall.

On one end of the reception venue, kids tossed a toy football back and forth. A boy rumbled a toy truck across the floor. Preschool boys splashed in the drinking fountain.

And in between it all, adults laughed and conversed and danced to the beat of polkas, country line dances, 70s tunes that I once sang as a member of the Wabasso High School choir and more.

As my husband and I passed below street lights outside the community center, past the impressive corner veterans’ memorial and the old brick implement dealership where the bride’s dad (my eldest brother) worked before a new facility was built on the edge of town, I considered what a perfect day it had been. September weather at its best. My mom recovered enough to attend the wedding and reception. And love. Radiant.

© Copyright 2014 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

Celebrating her granddaughter’s wedding September 8, 2014

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SHE WAS DETERMINED to attend her granddaughter’s wedding. And she did, one day shy of three weeks after suffering traumatic injuries in a fall.

Three of my mom's granddaughter's visit with her after the wedding.

Three of my mom’s granddaughter’s (including my daughter, middle) visit with her after the wedding.

She would be my 82-year-old mother.

About the only photo I managed during the ceremony, taken from my place in the pew.

About the only photo I managed during the ceremony, taken from my place in the pew.

Saturday afternoon Mom was among some 400 guests packing English Lutheran Church in Walnut Grove for the marriage of Carlyn and Jared.

The day marked a milestone for Mom, her first outing in three weeks except for the long ambulance ride from a southwestern Minnesota hospital to the trauma unit at North Memorial Medical Center in Robbinsdale and the car ride back to a nursing home five days later.

The reception was held at the community center in the bride and groom's hometown of Westbrook.

The reception was held at the community center in the bride and groom’s hometown of Westbrook.

Already while hospitalized, Mom set a goal to attend the wedding. Then she decided that she might like to go to the reception for awhile also. She accomplished both.

Guests shower Jared and Carlyn with birdseed as they leave the church.

Guests shower Jared and Carlyn with birdseed as they leave the church.

It is good to have goals when you are eighty-two, or any time really.

I laughed because my mom's nails were painted and I forgot to paint mine.

Nursing home staff painted Mom’s nails for the wedding.

I am thankful to the staff of Parkview Home in Belview for encouraging and working with my mom and even painting her nails for the wedding.

I am grateful, too, for a family that has been there for her every step of the way, encouraging, supporting, loving.

And for prayers. Yes, prayers.

Mom faces a long road toward full recovery. I understand that. But she has already come so far.

Yet, it is not easy to see the fading purple bruises, the oversized bump that still mars her forehead, the neck collar that locks her broken neck in place, her frailness…

There are times when sadness overwhelms me. But then I remind myself to be grateful. For every single day I have my mother.

© Copyright 2014 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

Oh, to be two… August 27, 2014

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Boy throwing dirt

 

DON’T YOU WISH sometimes that you could be the carefree kid again? I do.

 

Boy and his dirt pile

 

I wish I could be like my great nephew, Hank, with nothing to worry me—climbing dirt piles, tossing clumps of dirt, running here and there as fast as my short legs can move me.

Boy and his bunny

 

And then when I was all tuckered out, I’d slip inside the house and cuddle a plush toy before settling onto my mother’s lap.

 

Boy sleeping, bunny on floor

 

My head would dip and nod against her until I fell into sweet slumber. Then she would ever so gently lift me from her lap and snug me onto billowy cushions, my curls pressed against the armrest, my fingers furled against my forehead.

 

Boy sleeping close-up

 

I know I can’t be two again. But I can dream.

© Copyright 2014 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

The challenges of aging & prayers answered August 22, 2014

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Me with my mom in her Parkview Home room.

Me with my mom in late May.

AS THE DAUGHTER of an aging parent, it is the call you do not want to get—that your mother has fallen and is being transported 130 miles via ambulance to a metro area hospital.

That exact scenario played out earlier this week when my octogenarian mom fell in her assisted living room and suffered multiple severe injuries that landed her in a trauma unit.

It’s been a difficult week. Worrying. Waiting. More injuries added to the initial list. Questions. Tests. Rest, recovery, therapy.

So many emails, text messages and phone calls have been exchanged among siblings, other family members and friends that I’ve lost count. And prayers, lots of prayers, prayed this week.

In the end, Mom, who has faced many medical challenges throughout her years, rallied. Today she is back in the care facility where she moved earlier this spring. She is happy to be home. The staff in this rural small town facility welcomed her with open arms. I am grateful for their concern and care.

And I am thankful for answered prayers. I believe strongly in the power of prayer and the faithfulness of God. So many times this week, I found myself requesting prayers for my Mom and asking for God’s healing hand upon her. Those prayers continue now for her recovery.

I have not seen my mother; she did not want visitors. She realized her need to focus on rest and recovery. That was difficult, but for the best. However, I have seen photos of a woman who appears to have been on the losing end of a bar brawl. She claims to have been scrimmaging with the Minnesota Vikings. It’s good to laugh in the midst of challenges.

And my mom faces the challenges now of recovery, of ongoing physical therapy, of regaining her strength. Her goal is to attend her granddaughter’s wedding in a few weeks. I have no doubt she will achieve that goal. She is a strong woman.

FYI: The online news source, MinnPost, published an interesting story today in a late-in-life healthcare series. The piece focuses on options for those living in rural Minnesota. I’d suggest you read it by clicking here. With families today often living far apart, rural elderly face challenges unlike those of previous generations. I live about 125 miles from my mom.

© Copyright 2014 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

Grieving one gone too young July 31, 2014

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Valley Grove cemetery - Copy

 

I’D NEVER MET THE PARENTS, only knew their son from company gatherings.

But on a recent Thursday evening, I waited in line at a funeral home to pay my respects to the 25-year-old, my husband’s former co-worker, who took his own life.

As Randy and I snail paced through the winding line of mourners, past countless photo displays, I observed. Never have I attended a visitation with such quietness. Barely a sound in this carpeted room where mostly young men stood, their eyes focused on images sliding across a screen. Their friend, once so vibrant and alive, now gone, his closed casket on the other side of the room.

It made me incredibly sad to witness this. This grief tucked inside these young men who should not be here but rather tooling around in their pick-ups on a perfect Minnesota summer evening. Never have I seen so many trucks parked, and young adults gathered, outside a funeral home.

It made me incredibly sad to witness this.

I watched as a twenty-something slipped his arm around his significant other when they paused at the casket. Her grief ran deep and I expect so did his.

Grief rose inside me, too, and threatened to spill into tears for a young man I barely knew. But he is around the age of my own children and, as a mother, I cannot imagine such a loss. This is not the natural order of life, to lose a child.

I wondered, as we edged toward the family, past the displays of caps and replica cars and framed certifications, what I would say. How do you comfort?

At times like this, words seem futile. I wanted, in some small way also, to console the 12-year-old brother who occasionally turned and sheltered himself into his towering father’s side. He appeared invisible to other mourners. But I noticed him and his pain.

When we reached the brother, I asked his name. And he spoke with such softness that the father had to repeat his name. And then I asked to hug the 12-year-old and he allowed me to do so. Twice. And I told him he was loved.

And then the story spilled out—how he had given his older brother his nickname because he could not, as a young child, pronounce his sibling’s name. And for a moment a smile flitted across the pre-teen’s face and the father and I laughed. And I told the 12-year-old that he will always have that special connection to his brother.

Sometimes grieving families need moments like this and only sparse words of sincere sympathy. I offered such words and hugs and held hands, too, and felt the clench of grief.

© Copyright 2014 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

A Saturday morning in small town Minnesota July 19, 2014

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I DIDN’T BUY ANYTHING at this recent garage sale in Dundas. But I got this photo:

 

Garage sale in Dundas 2

 

I can’t quite put my finger on why I like this scene, this image.

It’s not because I’m some old car enthusiast, although I admire this shiny 1957 Chevy.

Rather it’s the serenity, I think, of a Saturday morning in a small town. This car collector had driven to Dundas for a car show, which was cancelled presumably because of the predicted rainfall. This scene speaks to me of small town living and contentment and simpler days when life was less hurried.

And I like, too, how the hue of the car is mimicked in the color of the garage sale sign. Not quite the same shade, but noticeable to my eye.

This photo could write a story. That’s my conclusion.

How does this scene speak to you?

Copyright 2014 Audrey Kletscher Helbling