Minnesota Prairie Roots

Writing and photography by Audrey Kletscher Helbling

When Our Sisters Are Hurting October 20, 2019

THOSE OF YOU who’ve followed me for awhile recognize that I typically steer away from issues-related topics. By nature, I’m a peacemaker, quiet, unassuming and not inclined to create controversy. I like calm, not discord.

That said, I have written, and will continue to write, here on several issues about which I feel strongly. That includes domestic abuse and violence. And because October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I’d like to share a blog post I wrote for Warner Press, an Indiana-based Christian publishing company. I am the paid blog coordinator for Warner.

Aptly titled “When Our Sisters Are Hurting,” my post tackles the topic from a Christian perspective. It’s important that faith communities recognize, acknowledge and react to domestic abuse and violence rather than ignore or excuse both. Please take time to read my post by clicking here. I’m no expert. But I know enough to share my insights in what I hope is a meaningful and valuable post.

No matter who you are—whether a person of faith or not—please take time this month to remember the victims and survivors of domestic abuse and violence. Determine to educate yourself, to support and help those in abusive relationships, and to stand strong for your sisters who are hurting.

FYI: Click here to learn more about activities this month to raise awareness about domestic abuse and violence.

 

Beautiful Kay. Photo from Kim at My Inner Chick.

 

And then click here to read a powerful blog by Duluth resident Kim Sisto-Robinson whose sister, Kay, was murdered by her husband on May 26, 2010.

 

I’m also remembering these women today:

 

Faribault Area Chamber of Commerce & Tourism employee Barb Larson, murdered by her ex-husband in her work place on December 23, 2016.

 

Margie Brown Holland and her unborn daughter, Olivia, murdered by Margie’s husband on March 7, 2013, in Apple Valley. Margie grew up in Faribault; her dad lived for awhile across the street from me.

 

Becky Kasper, 19, murdered by her ex-boyfriend in Arizona on April 20, 2013. Becky was from Northfield, Minnesota. I heard her father, Dan, speak about his daughter in 2016. Click here to read my post about that powerful talk.

 

© Copyright 2019 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

Tune in as faith radio addresses the issue of domestic violence October 24, 2018

A snippet of a domestic violence poster published by the Lutheran Church, Missouri Synod several years ago.

 

October 25 could be a lifeline.

Those words banner the home page of my favorite radio station’s website as I write this post. That would be Twin Cities based faith radio, KTIS. It is my go-to station for music and messages that uplift, comfort and encourage.

On Thursday evening, October 25, KTIS radio personality Donna Cruz leads the station in addressing the topic of domestic violence through stories, information, and uplifting messages of hope and healing. Cruz can empathize. She is a survivor of domestic violence.

Additionally, counselors will take calls from listeners, engaging in conversations that will not be aired.

For this radio station to put the spotlight on this issue during National Domestic Violence Awareness Month in October is noteworthy. Too often faith communities avoid the topic or approach it in a way that blames the victim, excuses (and/or believes) the abuser and encourages restoration of a relationship.

It is time for that to change, for those within faith communities to acknowledge that domestic abuse can happen to anyone. Anywhere. Anytime. It is time for faith communities to recognize abuse and believe victims. It’s time for faith communities to figure out how to help—and that stretches beyond prayer to education, support and connecting with professionals.

Really, it’s time for all of us to educate ourselves, to start caring, to break the silence, to be the voice, the help, the encouragement for those who need support and hope for a way out of an abusive relationship. It starts with you. It starts with me. Today.

FYI: Please tune in to KTIS at 98.5 FM or online from 7 – 10 p.m. Thursday, October 25.

Please note that some faith communities have tackled the topic of domestic violence and for that I am grateful.

© Copyright 2018 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

The masks of Milaca October 6, 2017

 

IF I SPOT A THRIFT STORE, you can bet I will stop. I value a bargain and the repurposing of stuff. That comes from someone who, to this day, finds it difficult to shop anything other than a sales rack for clothing. I grew up without much and still watch my spending.

 

Right outside the thrift store, this artsy fire hydrant reinforces the idea of being there for each other.

 

With that background, you can understand why Randy and I recently stopped at The Community Closet Thrift Store in Milaca on our way to the Brainerd Lakes area and other parts Up North. We’d never been to Milaca and had just enough time to duck into the thrift store and a bookstore down the street.

 

 

Our drop-in at The Community Closet proved untimely with the seasonal changing out of stock. Despite that disappointment in minimal merchandise, I left with a positive feeling. You see, this is not just any thrift store. This place is an extension of Pearl Crisis Center, a non-profit which provides support and resources for victims of domestic violence and sexual assault in Mille Lacs County. Sales proceeds support efforts of the crisis center.

 

Photographer Erica Isaacson, also an advocate at Pearl, took the photo, right, of the young woman with a theatre mask.

 

Among the center’s advocacy outreach is a window display that grabs the attention of shoppers and those passing by The Community Closet. “Masked” certainly garnered my interest. As a strong proponent of the visual and literary arts, I found myself drawn to the masks surrounding a photo of a young woman unmasked.

 

 

The art reveals, in a strong visual, how victims of domestic abuse often hide behind a mask, pretending that everything is alright/normal/OK. I noted in those masks the tears, the scars, the black eye, the messages, sometimes hidden, sometimes bold.

 

If you look closely, you will see this message written on this mask: I am lost. It is dark here.

 

An accompanying poem by Steven Sjoberg offers further insight and reads in part:

 

To most people looking
she is just one simple face
Then again her mask is ripped off
and it’s back to the dark place.

 

I see conflict here between the word happy and the dark eye. Promise, yet darkness, in that rainbow.

 

Abuse victims and those in Pearl’s Teens Against Dating Abuse program created the masks featured in the thrift store window and also at the crisis center.

 

A Halloween mask for sale at a southern Minnesota antique shop and used here for illustration purposes only. Minnesota Prairie Roots file photo.

 

In this month of October, when masks are so prevalent, perhaps it’s time to view masks beyond Halloween. Consider, too, the masks worn by victims of domestic abuse.

 

FYI:  October marks National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. If you are in an abusive relationship and in immediate danger, please call 911. Otherwise reach out to a trusted family member, friend or local support and advocacy center/shelter for help. You need a safe plan to leave your abuser. You are so worth it. There is no need to hide behind a mask, pretending all is alright while you endure abuse, whether psychological, emotional, mental, financial, spiritual, technological and/or physical. You deserve to be unmasked, to live free of abuse.

If you are the friend or family member of someone in an abusive relationship, educate yourself and seek professional help on how to best help the one you love.

 

© Copyright 2017 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

Grieving & some thoughts October 3, 2017

This is an edited image I took several years ago at Valley Grove Cemetery near Nerstrand. I love how the oak stands strong and towering next to the gravestones. It fits the mood of this piece.

 

SUNDAY EVENING I WENT to bed with grief clutching my heart after watching an interview with a Minnesota mom who lost her daughter to domestic violence. Vanessa Danielson was allegedly set on fire by her boyfriend, now charged with her murder.

Monday morning I awoke to news of the largest mass shooting in America’s history with nearly 60 dead and some 500 injured. Once again, grief clutched my heart. Later in the afternoon, I learned that a native Minnesotan was among those shot at the country music fest in Las Vegas. Philip Aurich, a 1999 graduate of Concordia Academy in Roseville, underwent surgery and remained in critical condition at the time of an Academy Facebook posting about his injury.

The feelings that race through my mind, then linger, are ones of anger, of frustration, of grief, of shock, of disbelief. Not again. How can human beings do this to one another, treat each other with such disregard for life?

I’m not asking you to answer that question. Rather, I am asking that you make a positive difference in the lives of others via compassion and care. Listen. Empathize. Offer comfort, hope and encouragement.

In your community, wherever you live—from urban to rural, from Vegas to Minnesota, from prairie to mountain—try to be there for others. We will never stop all of the madness that exists in the world. But we can strive individually to make our neighborhoods, our communities, better places by focusing less on ourselves and more on others. That goes for families, too.

We can choose to speak up when we must. We can choose to be that positive influence for a young person, that encourager for someone in need of encouragement, that light in the absence of light.

The choice is ours, if we are free to make those choices. And not everyone is free. Consider that during October, National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, as a Minnesota mom grieves the loss of her daughter.

Grief still edges my heart. For that mom and for all those who lost loved ones in Vegas.

 

UPDATE 6:15 PM Tuesday: A Minnesotan, Steve Berger, 44, of Shorewood, is among those killed in the Las Vegas shooting. He was a 1995 graduate of St. Olaf College in Northfield, just a 20-minute drive from my home.

© Copyright 2017 Audrey Kletscher Helbling