Minnesota Prairie Roots

IN MY IGNORANCE, I often asked the question, “Why does she stay?”

I couldn’t understand why any woman would stay in an abusive relationship. I expect many of us, if we are honest, have blamed the woman, faulted her for staying with a partner who is verbally, mentally, emotionally, financially, spiritually and/or physically abusive.

Why does she stay?

Erica Staab, director of the HOPE Center in Faribault, answers that question in She Stays. This self-published book is an absolute must-read for everyone. You. Your friends. Your daughter. Your niece. Your sister. Your brother. Your pastor.

Why?

Because you likely know someone who is a victim of domestic abuse. Maybe even you. And you need to know why she stays. It is only when we educate ourselves that we understand. And when we understand, we begin to make a difference.

Long before I read Erica’s recently-released book, I became educated on domestic abuse. Off the top of my head, I can list 13 women, by name, who are survivors. I don’t know the stories of each of these women. But some I do. They were in relationships with men who convinced them they had changed or whom the women believed they could change. These men professed their love. These men were initially charming, loving and attentive. Until they insidiously evolved into monsters who shoved, strangled, smothered, isolated, verbally-destroyed, brainwashed…

Margie Brown Holland and her unborn daughter, Olivia, were honored at The Clothesline Project display in the summer of 2015 in Owatonna. The Minnesota Coalition for Battered Women coordinates the project to honor victims of domestic violence. Redeemer Lutheran Church brought the project to Owatonna. Minnesota Prairie Roots file photo 2015.

I can also personally list the names of three women who were murdered by the men who supposedly loved them: Kay, Becky and Margie. Erica dedicates She Stays to her friend Margie Brown and unborn daughter Olivia. Margie’s dad once lived across the street from me. She also dedicates her book to Julie Carroll, another victim of domestic violence. I didn’t know Julie.

Becky Kasper of Northfield was murdered in April 2013 by her former boyfriend. She was a student at Arizona State University. This portrait was posted by her father, Dan Kasper, who spoke about domestic violence at Redeemer Lutheran Church in Owatonna in January. Minnesota Prairie Roots file photo January 2016.

But I know that too many women are suffering and dying every day. Too many women are trapped in abusive relationships—whether because of fear, financial worries, even because of hope that the abuser will revert to the loving man he seemed at the beginning of the relationship. I doubt a woman ever enters a relationship thinking the man she loves will abuse her.

Reasons she stays, published on page 18. Text copyright of Erica Staab.

Erica lays out the reasons she stays in this compilation based on real stories of real women. And she writes in a way that is direct, honest and to the point. You can read this slim 42-page book in less than a half hour. It’s simplistic, state-it-like-it-is understandable.

Erica’s book also focuses on reasons for leaving. Interspersed throughout this volume are Erica’s photos, primarily nature themed.

But this author and experienced advocate doesn’t end with she stays. She also writes about why she left. Therein lies another reason you must read this book. You will learn that listening, understanding and believing can make all the difference to a woman in deciding whether she stays or she leaves. You can offer hope.

On the final page of She Stays, Erica pens four powerful words: You are not alone.

A victim of domestic abuse should never feel alone. But all too often she does, because we continue to ask, “Why does she stay?”

Statistics on a The Clothesline Project t-shirt from the Minnesota Coalition for Battered Women, displayed this past summer in Owatonna. Minnesota Prairie Roots file photo.

FYI: To purchase a copy of She Stays, click here. Use this discount code to get $2 off: WCPXLKQS. All proceeds from the book will benefit HOPE Center, an advocacy organization in Faribault. Copies may also be purchased directly from HOPE Center.

If you are in an abusive relationship and in immediate danger, call 911 now.

Or contact a local crisis resource center for help and support.

You can find additional information through the following resources:

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

Minnesota Coalition for Battered Women

NOTE: Men can also be victims of domestic abuse. But because the majority are women, I use that noun and the pronoun she. Just as Erica does in her book.

© Copyright 2016 Audrey Kletscher Helbling