Minnesota Prairie Roots

Writing and photography by Audrey Kletscher Helbling

Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Remembering in Red Wing October 30, 2025

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An affirming sign photographed in a storefront window in downtown Red Wing. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo October 2025)

NOT FAR FROM THE CHURCH, bannered in the window of a downtown Red Wing business, I spotted uplifting signage: you are valued. you are enough. you are worthy. you are loved. I always appreciate such positive public postings of care and affirmation.

The “We Remember 2024” display outside Christ Episcopal Church, Red Wing. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo October 2025)

And then, just up the street across from the public library and a small park, I noticed rows of fake tombstones placed upon a corner of the Christ Episcopal Church yard. From a distance, I thought this to be part of a Halloween display. But when I got closer, I realized I was looking at something far scarier. This was a memorial to the 24 Minnesotans who died as a result of domestic violence in 2024. It also honors three others whose deaths are called “suspicious,” with many details yet unknown, but enough to be included in the Violence Free Minnesota “We Remember 2024 Report.”

The front “tombstone” explains the project. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo October 2025)

It is sobering and sad to stand on a busy street corner in the heart of a beautiful Mississippi River town in southern Minnesota on a lovely October morning and ponder these lives lost. Yet, this needs to be known, to be publicly shared, especially now during National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

Christ Church, according to its website, actively reaches out into the community via a Coat Shed, the food shelf, a “Feeding of the 5,000” event, housing Hope & Harbor and much more. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo October 2025)

Hope Coalition, an advocacy and support organization for domestic abuse survivors and their families in Goodhue and Wabasha counties, placed this temporary graveyard against the backdrop of the impressive 1871 stone church with a mission of “Serving God. Serving our Community.”

It’s heartbreaking to see the faces and then to go online and read the stories. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo October 2025)

As I paused, I felt the power of this public display revealed in photos, ages and dates. To place the faces of domestic violence victims upon fake tombstones personalizes the crime. You can’t look at those photos without understanding that these were individuals who were valued and loved.

In the second row you will see the mock tombstones of the police officers and paramedic/firefighter shot in Burnsville. Matthew Ruge, center, lived in Northfield in my county of Rice. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo October 2025)

Center front were the images of three men, all killed while responding to a 911 call regarding an alleged sexual assault in Burnsville on February 18, 2024. Shot to death were Burnsville police officers Paul Elmstrand and Matthew Ruge, both 27, and paramedic/firefighter Adam Finseth, 40. It was a high profile case as were the murders of four in Duluth on November 7, 2024. Kathryn “Kat” Ramsland, 45, and her son, Oliver Nephew, 7, and Erin Abramson, 47, and her son, Jacob Nephew, 15, were shot and killed in their homes in a case of domestic violence.

Oliver Nephew was only seven when he was murdered. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo October 2025)

Those who died due to domestic violence in Minnesota in 2024 come from all areas of the state. Rural. Suburban. Urban. This crime knows no geographical or economic boundaries, no age limits, no educational or job status… Each life lost means someone, some family, is grieving.

That includes in Red Wing, the very city where I stood in the churchyard viewing the photos on tombstones. Andrea “Drea” Broyld, 41, who worked at a local coffee shop, was shot and killed inside her Red Wing home on November 17, 2024. The suspected shooter has been charged with second-degree murder. As the anniversary of Andrea’s death approaches, I expect a wave of grief will sweep across the community as people remember the nice young woman who wrote encouraging notes on coffee cups.

Kathryn Ramsland was shot and killed along with her son, Oliver Nephew. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo October 2025)

We should all encourage one another, in life in general, but especially in cases of domestic abuse and violence where listening and support are essential. If something doesn’t look or feel or seem right, it likely isn’t. Trust your gut. That’s a starting point. So is awareness. And seeking professional help.

Two more victims, Victoria Jo Gamble, 38, strangled in Sauk Rapids, and Payao Vang, 27, shot and killed in Empire. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo October 2025)

While I never expected to happen upon a “We Remember 2024” display in a churchyard, I’m grateful I did. Photographing this gives me the opportunity to raise awareness about domestic abuse and violence. And it gives me the opportunity, too, to repeat these words: you are valued. you are enough. you are worthy. you are loved.

FYI: Click here to reach Violence Free Minnesota and the “We Remember 2024” report. This features the photos, stories and other information about those killed in acts of domestic violence last year. To learn more about Hope Coalition, click here. And to learn about Christ Episcopal Church in Red Wing and some of the great work they do in the community, click here.

If you, or someone you know, is being abused (whether physically, psychologically, mentally, financially or otherwise), please seek help. Call 911 if you feel threatened and/or your life is in danger.

© Copyright 2025 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

“The Laughing Dead,” more than just a thriller October 29, 2025

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(Book cover sourced online)

NEARLY TWO YEARS AGO, Minnesota writer Jess Lourey participated in an author talk at my local library. She said then that she wants readers to take away the importance of community from her books. “Find your people and tell your truth,” Lourey said.

I like that statement. It’s empowering. Tell. Your. Truth.

In her newest book, The Laughing Dead, the third in her fictional “A Steinbeck and Reed Thriller” series, Lourey writes about three cold case murders of young women and two current-day murders. Bureau of Criminal Apprehension Agent Evangeline “Van” Reed and forensic scientist Harry Steinbeck once again team up to work the cases, one that becomes deeply personal for Reed.

In typical Lourey writing, the plot twists and turns and screams and scares as the story unfolds. At times I truly did not understand what was real and what wasn’t. That comes as no surprise given secrets theme many of Lourey’s books. The Laughing Dead is no exception.

But what stuck with me throughout the book was the strength of Van Reed, born into a cult led by abusive, controlling and narcissistic Frank Roth. When he was arrested, the “Mothers” and “Sisters” scattered, some remaining devotedly loyal while others like Reed escaped and severed ties. She then went into law enforcement. In The Laughing Dead, Reed confronts her past, the secrets she keeps and the trauma she’s endured.

Yet, this book goes beyond a fictional character in a thriller. This story is, more broadly, about domestic abuse and violence, a reality for too many women (and, yes, some men also). It was absolutely fitting that I should read The Laughing Dead during National Domestic Violence Awareness Month in October. Lourey, in her book, writes about the power, manipulation and control used by abusers to entrap and silence their victims. Abusers, just like the fictional Frank Roth, will act loving and doting then turn into oppressive, abusive, overpowering, violent and controlling individuals. Sort of like a nightmarish chameleon.

Lourey, through her writing, is doing more than entertaining readers who appreciate a good thriller. She is raising awareness about domestic abuse and violence. And she is showing, via main character Van Reed, that it is possible to escape domestic abuse and violence, to rise above trauma. To tell your truth. And survive.

© Copyright 2025 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

All things purple during Domestic Violence Awareness Month October 7, 2025

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Ruth’s House sells mums and more outside Faribault Fleet Supply Tuesday morning. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo October 2025)

MASSIVE PURPLE MUM plants packed a wagon parked outside Faribault Fleet Supply when I stopped by Tuesday morning to pick up a multi-purpose plant spray.

Nearby, two women staged mums on the pavement next to a purple canopy bannered with “Ruth’s House.” A sign placed among the mums identified this as the “Purple Porch Project. STOP THE SILENCE, END DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.”

October marks Domestic Violence Awareness Month, a nationwide effort to raise awareness about the signs of domestic violence and ways to stop it, support survivors and advocates, and provide information and resources to those who are in positions of leadership and policy-making. Purple is the identifying color for this month-long endeavor.

The State Bank of Faribault promotes the Purple Porch Project outside a parking lot entrance to the bank. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo October 2025)

Ruth’s House, marketing the purple mums, is an emergency/transitional shelter in Faribault for women and children in crisis and a sober living space for women transitioning from in-patient treatment. Those who temporarily move into Ruth’s House may be homeless due to domestic violence, poverty, substance abuse disorder, health challenges or other issues.

Whatever the reasons for their homelessness, I’m thankful my community has a house to call home for these women and their families. Likewise, I’m grateful for HOPE Center, another local organization that supports survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault with Hope, Outreach, Prevention and Education.

Both Ruth’s House and HOPE Center rely heavily on individual and community financial support, and also on government grants, to operate. And we all know that counting on government funding right now is tenuous at best. Thus fundraisers like Ruth’s Purple Porch Project are happening with the sale of $20 purple mums; a $100 Purple Porch décor kit (includes a handcrafted purple door wreath, 66 feet of purple string lights, a purple mum and a yard sign symbolizing unity); a $25 DIY purple wreath kit; and a $20 Ruth’s House yard sign.

This children’s playhouse, displayed outside Faribault Fleet Supply, is the grand prize in the Ruth’s House raffle. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo October 2025)

Additionally, Ruth’s House is selling $10 raffle tickets for a children’s playhouse, wooden swing set, bike and helmet, arts & crafts table and chair set, play kitchen with table and two chairs; and a family game night basket. Ticket sales will help fund children’s programs at the emergency shelter.

Any of the fundraising items can be ordered/purchased online by clicking here. Or, if you live in the area, stop by Faribault Fleet Supply.

Mostly, I want you to pause for a moment and reflect on domestic violence. And if you don’t know that much about it, take time to learn. (Click here.) So many misconceptions exist about domestic violence with that oft asked question of “Why doesn’t she just leave?” It’s not that easy. It’s complicated and difficult and even potentially dangerous without a safe plan in place.

Do what you can. Support. Encourage. Love. Advocate. Be there. Listen. Help. It takes all of us, individually and collectively, to stop domestic abuse and violence.

© Copyright 2025 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

Even scarier than Halloween October 31, 2024

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A Halloween mask and costumes for sale at Something for All, a thrift shop in Lonsdale, MN. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo October 2024)

OCTOBER 31. Halloween, the one day when scary is celebrated in a big way. But October 31 also marks another notable day, the final day in Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Domestic violence is far scarier than any ghoulish, frightening, unsettling costume or event. Domestic violence and abuse are real. Real scary.

Warning signs of relationship abuse from an event held in Faribault many years ago.

Abuse can be physical, psychological/mental and/or emotional. Death, injuries, scars, trauma and so much more result from abuse which is, at its core, all about manipulation, power and control. Those can be insidious or blatant.

My fictional story, “Evidence,” is published in this anthology.

With that brief background, I am sharing a fictional story printed in Talking Stick 32—Twist in the Road, a literary anthology published by northern Minnesota based Jackpine Writers’ Bloc. I wrote “Evidence,” which won an honorable mention in the 2023 Talking Stick writing competition. Please read my story and then my comments following.

Some victims of domestic abuse/violence flee with minimal belongings in a single bag or suitcase. Some leave with nothing at all. Leaving marks the most dangerous time period when exiting an abusive relationship. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted file photo)

Evidence

She waited inside the bus station, body molded into a hard plastic chair, battered suitcase at her feet nudging shoes that needed a good polishing. Beverly felt restless, lost, as if at any moment she would awaken from her nightmare of a life. She pressed her right thumb into her sweaty left palm, a soothing habit that sometimes helped calm her. But not today.

Only hours earlier she’d fled to this place after tossing several changes of clothing alongside her diary in the bag now resting on the sticky, worn floor soiled by a thousand feet, a thousand stories. Today her story.

Her mind drifted to those first years when she wrote in flowery script, embellishing her writing with hearts. Love, so much love. He cherished her, loved her, embraced her with words and flowers and praise. Until he didn’t.

It was all so subtle, how Thomas, not Tom, chose to slip hurtful words into conversations, wearing her down. Day by day. Complaints of undone laundry and cold dinner and dirty dishes. And then the accusations flew. Where were you? Why were you speaking to him? Why can’t you ever do anything right? Then he slapped her. Repeatedly. Often.

She felt beaten. Weak. Exhausted. Trapped. Her writing reflected that, emotional words looping across the lined paper. Uneven and running together and sometimes nearly unreadable. Tears traced through the ink and wrinkled the pages.

For the longest time, she endured, pulled inside herself, determined she could do better, be better, love him more. Yet, it was never enough. Thomas continued to berate her, to find fault in everything she said and did. And she recorded it all in the journal zippered inside the suitcase stuffed in the back of their closet, the suitcase now at her feet. Evidence.

Beverly pulled herself back to reality, checked the time on the massive clock inside the bus station. Soon the Greyhound would roll in. She grabbed the worn handle of the battered bag, rose from the uncomfortable chair, and headed toward the boarding area. The momentum of hurrying passengers, their shoes slapping against the speckled linoleum, carried her. The bus doors pulsed open. Beverly stepped inside, handing her ticket to the driver. Her mood shifted, lightened with each step down the aisle until she saw him through the window, face flashing anger, fists clenched at his sides.

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This text was published in a book, “She Stays,” by Eric Staab-Absher, director of HOPE Center in Faribault. (Text copyright of Erica Staab-Absher)

COMMENTS: If you recognize yourself or someone you love in my fictional story, first know that you are not alone. Help is available through organizations that will support you and/or your family. That may be a shelter or an advocacy/outreach organization focused on preventing domestic violence, providing education and resources, and simply being there for you. If you’re not ready for that step, talk to a trusted friend or family member. Seek help.

Leaving an abuser is not easy. It’s scary and difficult. Even dangerous. But you (or someone you love) are so worth living a life free from manipulation, control, abuse and/or violence.

VIOLENCE FREE MINNESOTA has released its “2023 Homicide Report: Relationship Abuse in Minnesota.” In 2023, there were 40 confirmed victims of intimate partner and domestic violence-related homicides in the state. That’s the highest number since tracking began in 1989. Gunshot is the leading cause of deaths. This report honors victims across Minnesota with photos and information. It’s packed with statistics and other valuable information and is well worth your read. Click here to read the full report or a summary of it.

To learn more, start by clicking here to reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

© Copyright 2024 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

Focusing on the stats & stories of domestic abuse & violence in Minnesota October 17, 2023

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Lights glow purple on the Rice County Government Services building in Faribault in recognition of Domestic Violence Awareness Month. The moody sky fits the topic, the arrow on the pavement (from my perspective) pointing to hope, a way out of an abusive relationship. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted photo October 2023)

BEVERLY BOARDED THE GREYHOUND BUS, battered suitcase in hand, journal and hastily grabbed clothes zippered inside. She felt worn down. Exhausted. On this day, she chose to leave, to flee her husband’s physical, emotional and verbal abuse. As Beverly walked down the aisle to her seat, her mood lightened. But then she spotted Thomas approaching the bus, face flashing anger, clenched fists threatening.

This anthology, featuring Minnesota writers or those with a connection to Minnesota, includes my short story about domestic abuse. (Book cover image sourced online)

This account of domestic abuse is fictional. I wrote the story, “Evidence,” which recently published and received an honorable mention in Talking Stick 32, Twist in the Road, a Minnesota-based anthology of stories and poetry. Even I don’t know how Beverly’s story ends. Will Thomas bust through the doors of the bus, hunt down his wife? Kill her?

Every day across Minnesota and beyond, scenarios like Beverly’s unfold in real life. The faces and places and circumstances differ. But the threat is real, as real as my fictional version aimed to not only provide a suspenseful read but also to raise awareness about domestic abuse.

A promo for the “2022 Homicide Report.” (Source: Violence Free Minnesota Facebook page)

October marks Domestic Violence Awareness Month. And that began in Minnesota with the release of the “2022 Homicide Report: Relationship Abuse in Minnesota” by Violence Free Minnesota. The report states that “at least 24 people were killed due to intimate partner homicide in 2022.” A further break-down of that shows at least 20 women and one man died from intimate partner violence and at least three bystanders/intervenors also died. Their ages ranged from 13 to 66. They lived in all areas of Minnesota from rural to urban.

Margie Brown Holland (my former neighbor’s daughter) and her unborn daughter, Olivia, were murdered in 2013 in an act of domestic violence. Information about Margie was displayed on a t-shirt as part of The Clothesline Project exhibit I saw in Owatonna in 2015. This exhibit is available for display through Violence Free Minnesota. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted file photo July 2015)

While statistics and summaries matter, it is the stories which make the greatest impact. This report includes those, along with photos of nearly every homicide victim. Those stories begin on page 47, well into the 66-page report which is packed with powerful information that really should be read by every adult.

I focused my attention first on Chandra Lanae Pelch of nearby Medford. The 18-year-old was shot six times by her boyfriend in a murder-suicide on June 3, 2022. While the profile on Chandra is short, it is enough to break my heart. She leaves behind an infant son and loving family and friends.

I was also drawn to the story of Isaac Jon Hoff, 13, stabbed to death by his mother’s boyfriend, now serving 17 years in prison for his murder. It’s another heartbreaking case of domestic violence, of a woman attempting to defend herself, of a man grabbing a knife from her hand, of a son stabbed as he stood behind his mother. They were under an order of protection against their attacker. Isaac, who was described as “spunky, big-hearted and loved,” managed to call 911. He died later at the hospital. Isaac was from small town Olivia in southern Minnesota.

And then there’s Kimberly Ann Robinson, 41, who was found dead from a gunshot wound and blunt force trauma injuries on the side of a road in Rochester. Her boyfriend has been charged in her murder. She was a mother of three.

An excerpt from the 2016 book “She Stays” by HOPE Center Director Erica Staab-Absher explains why a woman stays in an abusive relationship. (Text copyright of Erica Staab-Absher)

Each story in this report deserves attention, for each person lived and loved and was loved. None were to blame for their horrific deaths, just like Beverly in my fictional story did nothing to deserve the physical and emotional abuse inflicted upon her by her husband. Domestic abuse, at its core, is about power and control. Too often, people ask, “Why didn’t she just leave?” That, in essence, shifts blame to the victim. This report explains “why” in “VICTIM’S ATTEMPT TO LEAVE THE ABUSER.”

The “2022 Homicide Report” does a good job of revealing the “whys” and of expanding on domestic abuse/violence-related topics within the legal system, racial disparities, healthcare, economic abuse, public/workplace violence and more. The report also includes recommendations in each of those target areas. One section even makes recommendations to the media about covering domestic violence.

Inspirational and honoring words are embedded in a mosaic honoring Barb Larson, killed in an act of domestic violence at her workplace, the Faribault Area Chamber of Commerce and Tourism, on December 23, 2016. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted file photo)

In the all of this, in the awfulness of these 24 deaths in Minnesota in 2022, we can all learn, grow our compassion, support and understanding, begin to recognize the warning signs of domestic abuse. There is hope and help available through advocacy groups and organizations, shelters and more. But it takes courage to seek help while under the power and control of an abuser. In my fictional story, Beverly found that courage on the day she grabbed her battered suitcase with her documenting journal zippered inside and boarded that Greyhound bus. But did she survive? The truth is, I don’t know.

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FYI: Talking Stick 32, Twist in the Road includes not only my fictional story about domestic abuse, but four other fictional short stories and two poems on the topic. Particularly powerful is the poem “At the Cafe” by Mary Scully Whitaker in which the author and a waitress witness emotional abuse and threats of violence against a woman, then intervene. The anthology, published by the Jackpine Writers’ Bloc, is available through Amazon.

If you are a victim of domestic abuse, know that help is available. Have a plan in place to leave safely, recognizing that leaving an abuser is a particularly dangerous time. You are not alone. And you are not to blame.

© Copyright 2023 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

Gaslighting, beyond “word of the year” December 1, 2022

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Words like strong, beautiful, hopeful and more are incorporated into “Love Remains,” a memorial mosaic honoring Barb Larson. The Faribault Area Chamber of Commerce and Tourism employee was shot to death by her ex-husband on December 23, 2016, at her workplace. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted file photo)

IN MY FOURTH EDITION hard cover copy of Webster’s New World College Dictionary published in 2000 and shelved on my office desk, you won’t find the word gaslighting. But today, gaslighting has been chosen as the 2022 word of the year by Merriam-Webster, America’s oldest dictionary publisher.

In many ways, I’m not surprised by the choice given the widespread manipulative use of language in today’s world. Gaslighting is exactly that, “the art or practice of grossly misleading someone, especially for one’s own advantage.”

Merriam-Webster reports a 1,740 percent spike in searches for the word gaslighting in 2022. Again, this doesn’t surprise me in today’s political climate, especially.

Yet, the term gaslighting is nothing new in the context of domestic abuse and violence. That tactic is often used by abusers to manipulate and control. The word traces to the 1944 film, “Gaslight,” (or the 1938 play, “Gas Light”) a psychological thriller in which the husband convinces his wife that the noises she hears, the dimming of gaslights and more are in her head and not real. His gaslighting is full-blown emotional and psychological abuse.

Information shared at a public forum following Barb Larson’s murder. (Minnesota Prairie Roots copyrighted file photo)

The reality is that abusers use gaslighting to effectively flame doubt in their partners, who begin to question themselves, their thoughts, actions and feelings. Confusion, anxiety, self-doubt, isolation, depression, hopelessness and so much more can flare. And in the end, the abuser gets exactly what he/she planned—power and control.

So, when I hear or read the word gaslighting, I think of domestic abuse and violence, of all those individuals being emotionally and psychologically abused by partners. I think of the put downs, the false narratives, the twisting of reality, the lies, the excuses…

Reasons she stays, from page 18 of the book, “She Stays” by HOPE Center (Faribault) Director Erica Staab. Advocates like Staab bring hope and help. (Text copyright of Erica Staab)

My 20-year-old dictionary may not include gaslighting. But it does include the word advocate, defined in 2000 as “a person who pleads another’s cause.” For those gaslighted and otherwise abused, advocates are available to listen, to support, to help. To advocate. That singular word brings hope. Gaslighting may be the 2022 word of the year. But hope remains. Always.

FYI: If you are in an abusive relationship, please seek help. A good starting place is the National Domestic Violence Hotline, which provides information and resources. Or, if your community has a center focused on domestic abuse and violence, reach out locally. If you know someone in an abusive relationship, listen, support, encourage and advocate. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

© Copyright 2022 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

Hope, help & tragedy in Faribault July 22, 2021

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I photographed this woman’s shirt at a public event in Northfield. The message refers to struggles with mental illness. Minnesota Prairie Roots file photo.

IF YOU’VE FOLLOWED my writing long enough, you understand my dedication to increasing awareness on two important issues—domestic violence and mental health.

This week, both made headlines in my community. I can’t let this opportunity slide without sharing what’s happened/is happening in Faribault. We need to stay informed, to choose awareness over sticking our heads in the sand. Understanding leads to action and, perhaps, saving lives.

First the really good news for Faribault and the surrounding region (according to the Faribault Daily News): Our local hospital, District One, and Rice County Social Services are collaborating on new adult outpatient mental health services. The hospital, part of Allina Health, will offer a day treatment program and a partial hospitalization program for adults dealing with mental illnesses. Social services will provide referrals.

Photographed at the Northfield Public Library. Minnesota Prairie Roots file photo.

To say I am thrilled is an understatement. This is so needed in Rice County and the surrounding rural areas. Our access to mental health care, especially during or following a crisis, is limited. Waiting time to see a psychiatrist, if that doctor is even accepting new patients, can be up to six weeks. Can you imagine waiting six weeks if you were experiencing a heart attack? You would likely die. Individuals facing mental health issues—from depression to anxiety to bipolar to schizophrenia and more—deserve, and need, immediate access to local care. As do their families.

To get treatment and support locally, rather than traveling to the Twin Cities metro, will ease some of the stress during an already stressful situation. Even with this improvement in services, though, we really need more mental health professionals to alleviate the shortage and meet the area’s needs.

Stress, while a bit of a buzzword, is part of life. And this week my community feels especially stressed by a murder-suicide, which left a 32-year-old woman dead, allegedly shot by her 27-year-old boyfriend, who then killed himself. It’s devastating. Two young people dead in an apparent act of domestic violence.

A mosaic on the exterior of the Faribault Chamber of Commerce & Tourism office honors employee Barb Larson, murdered there on December 23, 2016. Minnesota Prairie Roots file photo.

My heart breaks every time I read of such murder-suicides, or any act of domestic violence. Shortly before Christmas 2016, Barb Larson was shot and killed by her ex-husband, who then took his own life, in a high profile case in Faribault. She worked for the local tourism office. He was a retired police officer. That crime shook Faribault to its core.

Likewise, I expect the murder of Amanda Schroeder on Monday evening is prompting similar angst. And increasing awareness of the ongoing crime of domestic violence. HOPE Center, which advocates for victims of domestic and sexual violence, is already reminding the community that advocates are available to listen, help and support. 24/7.

In both of these situations—domestic abuse/violence and mental health crises—people are here to help. I feel thankful to live in a community that cares. No one ever needs to feel alone, to face life’s challenges and stresses solo.

Warning signs of domestic abuse/violence from a previous community event on the topic. Minnesota Prairie Roots file photo.

I know Amanda tried. She called 911. To make that call took strength and courage. Still, she died. If Amanda’s death can save one life, can result in one person safely leaving an abusive partner, then something positive has come from this tragedy.

Where does all of this leave us as individuals? I encourage you to educate yourself on domestic abuse/violence and mental illness. Then take that knowledge and show your care and compassion to those who need it. To those experiencing challenges. And their families. Listen. Support. Encourage. Refer to professionals. Be that person who chooses not to ignore, but rather to be there. To engage. To understand. To uplift. To care.

© Copyright 2021 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

In Faribault: Challenged to talk about domestic violence, to end the silence January 13, 2020

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A snippet of a domestic violence poster published by the Lutheran Church, Missouri Synod, several years ago.

 

STATISTICS IMPRESS. But stories impress more. And what we do after we hear those numbers and those stories matters. Profoundly.

Take a story shared by Faribault Police Chief Andy Bohlen on Friday evening during a meeting on domestic violence. Sponsored by HOPE Center, the event aimed to get men in the community talking, caring about and speaking up on the issue. I was among the women, outnumbered by men, in the audience.

In 2001, before he joined the Faribault force, Bohlen was called to the scene of a murder. A “domestic,” in which a 4-year-old boy was murdered by his mother’s boyfriend. No one called the police when they heard the boy screaming. Previously or on the day of the murder. Every adult failed that 4-year-old, the chief said. The child’s horrific death profoundly affected Bohlen.

“We (police department) never try to fail a kid or a family,” he said, also praising HOPE Center, its Blueprint for Safety plan (a collaborative county-wide effort to address domestic violence) and local social workers. He praised, too, those gathered at South Central College for Friday’s event. “It’s the right thing to do, to get involved.”

 

A plaque honors Barb Larson, Faribault Area Chamber of Commerce and Tourism employee, who was shot to death by her ex-husband in the tourism office on December 23, 2016. Minnesota Prairie Roots file photo.

 

As I listened to the chief, to HOPE Executive Director Erica Staab-Absher, Prosecuting Attorney and HOPE Board Chair Wendy Murphy, guest speaker Scott Miller of Duluth’s Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs and audience members, I considered that we likely each brought stories of domestic abuse to the room. I expect that every one of you reading this post has, in some way, been affected by domestic violence. Directly or indirectly. For example, in December 2016, two high profile murder-suicides within weeks rocked Faribault, forever changing my southern Minnesota community. We are much more aware. People are talking. Men (and women) of Courage.

We can take our experiences and hold them or we can, as HOPE Director Staab-Absher encouraged, start having those difficult conversations to end the shame and silence of domestic violence, to show compassion to survivors and those who love them, and to hold abusers accountable. She challenged attendees to begin thinking of ways they can accomplish that.

 

Information from a previous meeting on domestic violence in my community.

 

Miller, himself a childhood victim of abuse and bullying, works in Duluth with men who batter. To end the silence. To make a difference. He offered insights on abusers, saying they see themselves as better than women—controlling a woman’s space and winning. I found that word choice, “winning,” especially unsettling. Miller also explained that an abusive personality uses whatever his victim values (ie. car, faith, family) as leverage to punish or gain submission.

In his work with abusers, Miller strives to listen, not to tell. To hear the men’s stories. To encourage these men to think about emotions, to express feelings, to work on changing.

 

Among the inspirational words honoring Barb Larson in a memorial mosaic at the Faribault Area Chamber of Commerce & Tourism Office. Minnesota Prairie Roots file photo.

 

As I listened to Miller and the others, I experienced a mix of emotions. Hope. Despair. Sadness. Empowerment. Anger.

In the past five years, Faribault police have responded to 630 verbal and physical domestic violence calls and 190 sexual assault calls, Police Chief Bohlen said, adding that the actual number of cases (because so many go unreported) can be conservatively doubled.

Attorney Murphy stated that getting a conviction in Rice County is “extremely hard.” I wanted to stand up and ask, “Why?” I had too many questions.
But I held my questions, choosing instead to simply listen. To a pastor, among four in attendance. He shared about a woman who called him. A woman hiding in her room, dresser shoved against the door, as her partner rushed up the stairs in pursuit of her. The pastor called the police. She was angry. At him. The pastor. He recognized the seriousness of the situation, of the need to call police to protect this woman. “Don’t call me. Call the police,” he told those attending Friday’s gathering.

Guest speaker Miller earlier brought clergy into the conversation, terming them, and not the police, as the 911 for many people. Abusers, he said, may claim to “find Jesus in prison,” then manipulate unknowing pastors. I felt gratitude in that moment for Miller bringing that component into the conversation and for the four pastors in attendance, men of faith learning and standing up and refusing to remain silent about domestic violence.

 

Photographed on the inside of a women’s bathroom stall at Lark Toys in Kellogg five years ago, this powerful message. Minnesota Prairie Roots file photo 2015.

 

It takes all of us. Men. Women. Communities. Individually and collectively. Personally and professionally. To think and talk about ways to end domestic violence and sexual assault. To end the silence. To act. To make a difference.

FYI: If you are in an abusive relationship, please seek help from a place like HOPE Center. If you are in immediate danger, call 911. You deserve to live a life free of abuse and violence. If you know someone in an abusive relationship, seek the advice of advocates to learn how you can best support and help victims and survivors of domestic abuse.

© Copyright 2020 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

When Our Sisters Are Hurting October 20, 2019

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THOSE OF YOU who’ve followed me for awhile recognize that I typically steer away from issues-related topics. By nature, I’m a peacemaker, quiet, unassuming and not inclined to create controversy. I like calm, not discord.

That said, I have written, and will continue to write, here on several issues about which I feel strongly. That includes domestic abuse and violence. And because October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I’d like to share a blog post I wrote for Warner Press, an Indiana-based Christian publishing company. I am the paid blog coordinator for Warner.

Aptly titled “When Our Sisters Are Hurting,” my post tackles the topic from a Christian perspective. It’s important that faith communities recognize, acknowledge and react to domestic abuse and violence rather than ignore or excuse both. Please take time to read my post by clicking here. I’m no expert. But I know enough to share my insights in what I hope is a meaningful and valuable post.

No matter who you are—whether a person of faith or not—please take time this month to remember the victims and survivors of domestic abuse and violence. Determine to educate yourself, to support and help those in abusive relationships, and to stand strong for your sisters who are hurting.

FYI: Click here to learn more about activities this month to raise awareness about domestic abuse and violence.

 

Beautiful Kay. Photo from Kim at My Inner Chick.

 

And then click here to read a powerful blog by Duluth resident Kim Sisto-Robinson whose sister, Kay, was murdered by her husband on May 26, 2010.

 

I’m also remembering these women today:

 

Faribault Area Chamber of Commerce & Tourism employee Barb Larson, murdered by her ex-husband in her work place on December 23, 2016.

 

Margie Brown Holland and her unborn daughter, Olivia, murdered by Margie’s husband on March 7, 2013, in Apple Valley. Margie grew up in Faribault; her dad lived for awhile across the street from me.

 

Becky Kasper, 19, murdered by her ex-boyfriend in Arizona on April 20, 2013. Becky was from Northfield, Minnesota. I heard her father, Dan, speak about his daughter in 2016. Click here to read my post about that powerful talk.

 

© Copyright 2019 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

Statewide rallies on Wednesday focus on domestic violence March 26, 2019

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Minnesota Coalition for Battered Women graphic.

 

FROM GRANITE FALLS on the western edge of Minnesota to Rochester in the southeastern corner. From up north in Bemidji to down south in Mankato. From central Minnesota to the State Capitol. Folks will gather Wednesday at various locations around the state to raise awareness about domestic violence.

Whether you’re from a rural area or a metro area, or some place in between, you ought to care. Domestic violence knows no geographical boundaries, no age limits, no financial status, no occupation, no ethnicity, no anything. It’s prevalent everywhere. It can, and does, happen to anyone.

Your daughter. Your sister. Your friend. Your co-worker. Your neighbor. Your fill in the blank. Maybe you.

While Minnesotans gather in communities large and small, they will also rally collectively in the State Capitol Rotunda from 11 a.m. – noon on Wednesday. They are the voices of survivors. They are the voices of those who help, who encourage, who raise awareness, who empower. They are advocates and community leaders. They are ordinary people. They are, together, a powerful voice. They are us.

Those who gather will also push for legislation that will provide funding for a Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Prevention Program. Such legislation would provide grant monies to nonprofits “for the purpose of funding programs that incorporate community-driven and culturally relevant practices to prevent domestic violence and sexual assault.”

If you’re like me, you probably won’t participate in a rally. But you can, on a personal level, make a difference. Educate yourself. Choose to believe victims and survivors. Stop the blaming. Support, love, encourage. Give financially to a local advocacy group that helps those affected by domestic violence and/or sexual assault. Refuse to look the other way. Refuse to give up. Refuse to remain silent. Speak up. Wherever you live.

FYI: Click here for details on Minnesota communities planning rallies on Wednesday, March 27.

© Copyright 2019 Audrey Kletscher Helbling