Minnesota Prairie Roots

Writing and photography by Audrey Kletscher Helbling

This little piggy can go home July 20, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Audrey Kletscher Helbling @ 8:25 AM
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THE RICE COUNTY FAIR in Faribault officially opened at 5 p.m.Tuesday.

But even before then, fair officials were telling 4-H kids and other livestock exhibitors that, because of the excessive heat and humidity, they could arrive late and take their critters home after judging, according to information I heard on local radio station KDHL.

Then Tuesday at 10 p.m., my 17-year-old received a text message and asked me to switch the TV to KARE 11 news. “Adam’s going to be on,” he said. And sure enough, 30 seconds later the camera focused on his friend Adam Donkers spraying a pig with water in the swine barn at the fair. Adam informed viewers that hogs can’t sweat so he was sweating for them by cooling them with water. His family farm lost 11 pigs overnight due to heat stress.

So that got me thinking about excessive heat warnings for livestock, none of which I’ve heard. That doesn’t mean, however, that such warnings haven’t been issued; I simply might not be tapping into the right media sources.

This morning I checked the Rice County Fair website, but didn’t find any information there. I do know that fair officials brought extra fans into the barns on Tuesday.

Then I googled “livestock heat warning,” only to find warnings (not all of them current) from places like Kansas, Iowa, Nebraska and Montana. Not Minnesota.

I googled the Minnesota Department of Agriculture, the Minnesota Pork Producers, the Linder Farm Network and the University of Minnesota Extension Service and, in quick scans of the websites, found nothing.

But then, I suppose, most farmers already understand the importance of keeping their swine, cattle, poultry and other animals cool with fans and water during extended periods of excessive heat and humidity like we’re experiencing in Minnesota. Yesterday the heat index reached 119 in Minnesota, the highest since July 11, 1966. The dew point soared to an all-time high of 82.

But back to those animals… Some may question why removing livestock from the fair would help because conditions are just as hot back on the farm. Consider the stress factor. Take an animal out of its familiar environment, load it into a trailer or truck, haul it to the fair, place it among strange animals and gawking people in unfamiliar surroundings, and stress multiplies. I mean, how would you feel?

IF YOU’RE A FARMER with cattle, swine, poultry or other animals, how are you keeping your animals comfortable and cool during this weather? How is the excessive heat affecting your animals? Have you lost any due to heat stress? How are your crops faring? Submit a comment and share.

© Copyright 2011 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

Hot as “you know what” in Minnesota July 18, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Audrey Kletscher Helbling @ 7:25 AM
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Air conditioners will be working overtime in Minnesota this week.

SO, MINNESOTANS, here’s the weather question of the day: “How hot is it outside?”

Although I’m of German heritage, I’d unequivocally state, “hotter than a Finish sauna.”

With a predicted dewpoint in the 70s (Sunday it reached an almost unheard of 81) and temperatures in the 90s today, the National Weather Service in Chanhassen has continued an extensive heat warning for central and southern Minnesota and west central Wisconsin through 9 p.m. Wednesday.

Heat indexes of more than 105 degrees (some media outlets are saying 110 – 117 degrees) are expected for several-hour stretches during the afternoon, creating “a dangerous situation in which heat illnesses are likely.” Ya think?

That means, folks, that we need to keep ourselves cool (preferably in an air conditioned building), drink plenty of fluids (and we’re not talking alcohol here) and stay out of the sun.

Don't increase your fluid intake via alcohol.

Honestly, when I stepped outside Sunday evening, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. You can guess how long I stayed outdoors. Long enough to turn around and walk back inside the house. I had been out earlier photographing the air conditioner you see above. I had a little trouble with the camera lens fogging over as soon as I stepped outdoors. The windows on our house also fogged, a phenomenon I have not previously seen except when I cook pasta. Weird stuff this weather.

All joking aside, this heat and humidity can be downright dangerous, especially for anyone working outdoors.

I know of some teens supposedly heading to the corn fields early this morning to detassel corn in the Stanton/Northfield area. Here’s my advice: Gulp water, by golly, then gulp some more. Slather on the sun screen, wear a cap and, if you’re at all feeling out of sorts, immediately tell your supervisor. Today would not be the day to tough it out. And, yes, I do know of what I write. As a teen I detasseled corn on days so hot it seemed as if the heavy air would suffocate me in the corn rows.

If you, or your teen, is starting a job this week as a corn detasseler, take extra precautions to avoid heat-related health issues. Also, don't quit. Every week in the cornfield won't be like this one and you' likely work only til noon.

Now, with those dire warnings out of the way, let’s talk about the words and phrases we Minnesotans use to describe this stretch of humid, hot weather. Let me pull out my Minnesota Thesaurus and thumb through the pages.

Here are some select synonyms for our current weather: steamy, muggy, scorching hot, sweltering, a real barn burner, so hot you could fry an egg on the pavement, like a sauna, “it’s not the heat, it’s the humidity”…

Whichever words you choose from that non-inclusive list, you might want to add, “It could be worse.” We Minnesotans like to tack that little phrase onto our statements lest, by not adding that qualifier, we leave ourselves open to worse circumstances/situations/weather. We do not want to tempt fate.

After all, come December, we could get socked with a raging blizzard that dumps two feet of snow on us followed by a week of temperatures plummeting to 20-below, and that’s without the windchill. We wouldn’t want to invite a Siberian winter by forgetting, this week, to say, “It could be worse.”

A snow pile divides traffic lanes along Fourth Street/Minnesota Highway 60 a block from Central Avenue in Faribault following a December 2010 snowstorm.

In summary, it’s best, really, not to overly-complain about the hellish, hot, scorching, stifling, steamy, sticky, sweltering, miserable, muggy, unbearable, oppressive heat and humidity. OK, then?

And, please, don’t be thinking, “Whatever, Audrey.”

IT’S YOUR TURN to speak up. How would you describe this weather we’re experiencing in Minnesota? How are you coping? Add your ending to this prhase: “It’s so hot in Minnesota that…”  Submit a comment and tell me whatever.

© Copyright 2011 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

St. Mary’s of Melrose, Part II July 17, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Audrey Kletscher Helbling @ 11:12 AM
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STARK CHURCHES appeal to me. The ones with the simple wooden cross, the white clapboard siding, the time-worn pews settled upon plain plank floors.

But the ornate houses of worship likewise snag my soul with crosses of gold, walls of brick and gleaming, carved pews.

One of the many ornate carvings at St. Mary's Catholic Church in Melrose.

I am most comfortable with, most accustomed to, the unadorned churches of the Lutherans, my religious heritage. We keep things simple. No cluster of burning candles. No wafting incense. No pools of holy water. Minimal, if any, gold.

Perhaps for that reason, when I step into an historic Catholic church, I feel like I’ve entered a foreign land. I am often awed by the opulence, by the details that visually overwhelm me.

The side aisle on the left leads to an ornate altar in St. Mary's which is on the National Register of Historic Places.

That’s exactly how I felt upon entering St. Mary’s Catholic Church of Melrose, featured here in an earlier post. Overwhelmed. But good overwhelmed. Because I could not possibly present all of the images I wanted to share with you in a single post, here are the remainder.

No matter your religious affiliation, you simply have to appreciate a place like St. Mary’s. What beauty. What art. What history. What heavenly splendor.

This was the top or bottom of something. Can't recall what. But it sure is stunning.

Look at this gorgeous, carved door, will you?

Golden statues. Beautiful.

Just look at this detailed side altar. I could have spent hours in St. Mary's.

And then I discovered these collection baskets hanging from a rack. We Lutherans don't have wicker baskets with long handles. These contrast so sharply with the the ornateness in the church and that is why I so appreciated this grouping.

St. Mary's Catholic Church stands strong as a fortress in Melrose, next to the turkey plant, its towering steeples visible from nearby Interstate 94 in west central Minnesota.

© Copyright 2011 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

The irrepressible spirit of two small Minnesota towns July 15, 2011

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Entering Belview from Sacred Heart at 9 a.m. on July 2, the morning after the tornado. Photo courtesy of Merlin and Iylene Kletscher.

THE RESILIENCE OF RESIDENTS in two small Minnesota communities recently ravaged by storms impresses me.

The folks in Belview, a Redwood County town of 375 hit by an EF-1 tornado on July 1, and the residents of Sauk Centre, a Stearns County community of 4,221 blasted by 80 – 85 mph winds Sunday evening, won’t allow storms to squelch their summer celebrations.

This Saturday, July 16, Belview will host the town’s third “Small Town Saturday Night.”

In Sauk Centre, Sinclair Lewis Days, which began on Sunday, continue as planned through July 16.

I mean, honestly, would you feel like partying if you were still trying to deal with the mess after a tornado or high winds uprooted trees; downed branches; damaged homes, businesses and other buildings; and smashed vehicles in your community?

But I suppose pausing to celebrate in the midst of such devastation bolsters the spirit and allows residents time to take a break, come together, share stories and support each other.

Kim Sander, who initiated the Small Town Saturday Night, once-a-month May – August event in Belview, posted recently on the Belview Blue Jays’ Facebook page: “Come join us and celebrate our small town’s ‘back to life after the storm’…from 5 – 8 p.m. there will be a cruise-in, free popcorn, First Responder’s pork sandwiches, a special display of Arctic Cat mini-bikes, etc. This is our third Small Town Saturday Night and we appreciate being able to bounce back and be ready for ‘business as usual!’ So proud of our town and its people!”

You simply have to appreciate Sander’s upbeat attitude and enthusiasm.

I first learned about the Small Town Saturday Night from City Clerk/Treasurer Lori Ryer just days before the July 1 tornado roared through Belview. She had written an article about hot air balloons in Belview and I was gathering last-minute information prior to publication in the summer issue of Minnesota Moments magazine.

Ryer told me then about the event that brings people into town with classic cars, motorcycles, tractors and such. She mentioned the free popcorn, the vendors, the farmers’ market, food, sometime-hay rides to local vineyards (Echo Creek Vineyard and Grandview Valley Winery) and added, “Bring your lawn chair.” Ryer is among Belview’s most enthusiastic boosters.

I’m sidetracking briefly here to say that I like this whole concept of a Small Town Saturday Night, tapping into the past when farmers and their families would come to town on Saturday night. Heck, I remember watching movies on the side of a building in Vesta, which is just down the road to the south and west of Belview. Vesta movie night may have been on a Saturday night; I don’t recall for certain.

Belview residents seem to be doing a fine job of promoting their little town. Each year the community holds an Old SOD Day celebration. The event, which features your usual small-town activities like a kiddie parade, car shows and more, also has hot air balloon lift-offs. This year’s celebration is set for September 17.

The boyhood home of author Sinclair Lewis was closed for the day when we arrived in Sauk Centre.

UP IN SAUK CENTRE, I haven’t talked with anyone about Sinclair Lewis Days, the annual celebration of native son Sinclair Lewis, author of Main Street and other noted books. But my husband and I stopped in Sauk Centre briefly while en route home from Fergus Falls to Faribault about a month ago. I’m a fan of Lewis and, although I had seen his boyhood home decades ago, I had not viewed the town beyond that. I wanted to see the real Main Street, the basis for his satirical writing about fictional Gopher Prairie.

While physically Sauk Centre’s appearance has changed since our visit, since powerful winds blew through the town on July 10, that won’t keep this community from celebrating. A Welsh Pony Show, fireworks, softball tournament, music in the park and Crazy Days are still continuing as planned, according to information posted online at the Sauk Centre Convention and Visitors Bureau.

I just have to say, Belview and Sauk Centre residents, your ability to continue in spite of challenges speaks volumes to your irrepressible spirits. Even Sinclair Lewis might be impressed.

The appropriately-named Main Street Theatre in Sauk Centre's downtown.

Just down the block from the theatre, the Sauk Hop Diner anchors the corner across from the Palmer House Hotel.

Sinclair Lewis worked as a night clerk at the historic Palmer House Hotel.

The typical small-town barber shop, in Sauk Centre, Tony's Barber Shop.

On a block packed with bars, six if I recall correctly, this one, the Next Door Bar and Lounge, stood out.

Another view of downtown Sauk Centre, shot several weeks ago.

© Copyright 2011 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

Words matter: Prejudice and acceptance in Faribault July 14, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Audrey Kletscher Helbling @ 7:42 AM
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Faribault is home to a sizable Hispanic population. This file photo was taken at a downtown Faribault Mexican bakery, which has since come under new ownership. The bakery was once at the center of a controversy over its exterior color and was repainted when some local businessmen donated money for a new paint job.

EVERY TIME I HEAR a derogatory comment about an ethnic group, I am still surprised. I don’t know why.

Perhaps the fact that this is 2011, and not 1960, factors into my belief that people have overcome their prejudices toward those with skin colors different than their own.

Then I hear a statement like this: “Willow Street is becoming a little fill in a Spanish word here.” I hadn’t heard the word before, which is why I can’t remember it. But I know for certain that it was unkind and derogatory and cutting toward the Hispanic population that lives in my community of Faribault, specifically along my street.

I couldn’t allow the slam to go unchallenged, especially since it was spoken just as I was about to enter, of all places, my church for Sunday morning worship.

In an immediate moment of incredible self control, I responded by telling this clearly prejudiced individual that there are “good whites” and “bad whites,” just like there are “good Hispanics” and “bad Hispanics.” I knew I had to keep my response simple so he would understand. I also told him that my Hispanic neighbors are “good neighbors.”

With those words tumbling off my tongue, I walked into the sanctuary, attempting to dismiss my anger and focus on an attitude of forgiveness.

I also consciously shifted my thoughts to an exchange I witnessed a day earlier. As a Somali mother walked into a Faribault grocery store with her adorable preschool-aged daughter, a Caucasian couple engaged the woman in conversation. They inquired about the little girl and asked her name.

“Amira,” the Somali mother answered and smiled.

“That means ‘princess,’” the man said and continued to share a story about another Amira he knew. All the while, the mother beamed. When they parted, he told the pair, “God bless you.”

I was trailing behind, thinking how my Aunt Dorothy has always called me her “Little Princess,” even now, today, when I am in my 50s. That endearing nickname has always made me feel so loved. Words can make such an impact.

As the Somali woman continued down the grocery store aisle with her daughter tagging behind, I blurted, “She’s so cute.”

The mother of the little princess turned and rewarded me with a smile, a universal human expression that bonds all humans no matter their skin color.

In this file photo, a Somali family waits to cross a downtown Faribault street.

CLICK HERE TO READ one of many posts I wrote related to the exterior colors of two ethnic restaurants in downtown Faribault. The color of the Mexican bakery, which has since changed hands, generated heated discussion within the community in 2009 and 2010.

© Copyright 2011 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

Why the discrepancies in AP class offerings? July 12, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Audrey Kletscher Helbling @ 7:34 AM
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STATISTICS CERTAINLY DON’T tell the whole story when you’re reading a compilation of numbers. But neither do they lie.

That said, I’d like to direct you to a report by ProPublica, “an independent, non-profit newsroom that produces investigative journalism in the public interest.”

The topic of ProPublica’s investigation (click here to read), advanced placement class offerings in public schools, certainly interests me. I’ve often wondered why Faribault Senior High School, the school my children attended (and one still does) offers so few advanced placement classes. These college-level classes give students an opportunity to test for college credit upon course completion. That, in my parental opinion, equals academic challenges for students and money saved for those who pass the AP exams and continue on to college.

Faribault High offers four AP classes in physics, English literature and composition, calculus and psychology.

Now, compare that to neighboring Northfield and Owatonna, each about a 15-mile drive away. Northfield Senior High School students can choose from 14 AP classes. In Owatonna, the number is even higher at 20 courses.

The three high schools are similar in size: Faribault, 1,230 students; Owatonna, 1,595; and Northfield, 1,300. They are also located in similar-sized communities. However, anyone who lives in the area knows that Faribault is clearly a blue collar town and Northfield is white collar. I’m not sure about Owatonna, but I would peg it as more blue than white collar.

WHY IS THAT IMPORTANT?

A link may exist between educational opportunities at a school and local poverty levels, some conclude. I don’t necessarily buy into the whole “we have X number of students getting free and reduced government lunches therefore we are offering fewer AP classes because students won’t take the courses anyway” philosophy. That’s an all-too-easy excuse to explain away the lack of AP classes and/or low student enrollment or interest in those classes.

Rather, I think the number of AP classes has more to do with funding, priorities and how much a school pushes, or doesn’t push, these advanced courses.

So let’s take a look at some of those statistics. ProPublica lets you type in your school and even compare it with neighboring districts. (Note: The database only includes public schools with a student population of more than 3,000 in the 2009 – 2010 school year.)

At Faribault High, 28 percent of students get free/reduced price lunches, compared to only 13 percent in Northfield. In Owatonna, 21 percent of students get those lunches that are targeted for low income households.

The statistics show high school minority populations of 21 percent in Faribault, 15 percent in Owatonna and only 11 percent in Northfield.

So you get the picture: Mostly wealthier white kids attend high school in Northfield. Not so much in Faribault and Owatonna.

Therefore you would conclude, if you adhere to the whole poverty-educational opportunities theory, that Northfield should outshine Faribault and Owatonna in the area of Advanced Placement classes and enrollment.

You would be wrong.

Owatonna shines with 20 AP classes and 29 percent of their students taking at least one AP course.

Northfield isn’t far behind with 26 percent of  students taking at least one of the school’s 14 AP classes.

Faribault doesn’t even come close with just five percent of students enrolled in at least one of the only four Advanced Placement courses offered.

WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?

I’ve discussed AP and Post Secondary Enrollment Option classes with several FHS teachers at various times and received answers ranging from an administration that doesn’t make AP or PSEO a priority to staff that prefer not to have class content dictated by AP guidelines. Whether those conclusions are accurate, I don’t know.

But as a parent, I am frustrated. Why shouldn’t any child attending Faribault High have the same educational opportunities afforded students in nearby Owatonna or Northfield?

Faribault also falls below the state-wide average of nine AP classes per high school and 23 percent of Minnesota high school students taking an AP course.

I repeat: Only five percent of FHS students take at least one AP class, of which only four are offered in Faribault.

What’s going on here?

NOTE: Statistics listed on ProPublica come from a nation-wide survey by the U.S. Department of Education’s Office for Civil Rights.

THANKS TO Minnesota Public Radio’s Bob Collins for directing readers to ProPublica’s report in his Friday, July 1, News Cut column.

© Copyright 2011 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

A bride’s story: Come hell or high water July 10, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Audrey Kletscher Helbling @ 10:40 AM
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“I TOLD HIM NO WAY IN HELL was I leaving my wedding dress behind,” Tina Marlowe Mann remembers.

And she didn’t. Nine months ago Tina defied a fireman’s order and saved her bridal gown. It was the last thing she brought out of her house during a 15-minute mandatory evacuation of flood-ravaged Hammond on Friday morning, September 24. When she exited her home, the fireman instructed her to park her 4-wheel drive Jeep on high ground, with the wedding dress inside, and walk out of the flooded town because the water had risen too high to drive out.

She refused and instead forged—with five adults, two children, a Rottweiler, two cats, a few clothes and that precious wedding dress—through water that reached the door panels and covered the exhaust pipes of her Jeep.

“We got stuck a couple times and I thought we might not make it out, but we did,” Tina recalls.

Come hell or high water, she would not allow the raging waters of the Zumbro River to snatch away her dream dress.

Two weeks ago yesterday, on June 25, Tina Marlowe married Micheal Mann at Beach Park in Wabasha wearing that rescued bridal gown. A reception followed at Slippery’s Bar and Grill on the Mississippi River.

Tina, on her June 25 wedding day, in the bridal gown she saved from a flash flood in Hammond in southeastern Minnesota last September.

As it did last fall, floodwaters once again threatened. “Ironically, this spring we spent a lot of time holding our breath, worried that Beach Park and Slippery’s might receive major damage from spring flooding,” Tina says. “For weeks we watched the hydrological reports from Wabasha with bated breath. We even made a couple trips down there just to monitor the situation with our own eyes—and we did a lot of praying.

“Then wouldn’t you know it that the week before the wedding, it rained every single day. A couple of those days the heavy rains took me right back to September…and I said to Mike, ‘Wouldn’t it be just crazy if we come home from Wabasha to find water in our house again?’”

Water from last fall’s flash flood filled their basement and rose several inches into the main level, displacing the family from their home for three months.

Tina and Micheal continued praying for the rain to stop as June 25 approached. Then on their wedding morning, the sun came out in Wabasha and, as the fog lifted from the Mississippi River valley, it looked to be a perfect day.

The weather forecast, however, called for afternoon showers. And the wedding was set for 4 p.m.

Within an hour of the ceremony, rain began falling. While Tina was slipping into her bridal gown at a Wabasha hotel, family and friends were moving everything from the decorated gazebo to the pavilion.

Tina and Mike

“Irony again prevailed because it rained from 3 until about 4:30, and then it stopped and the rest of the evening was picture perfect,” Tina says. “All of the bridal pictures were taken in the rain. Every person in my wedding party was affected by the flood in one way or another and here we were, standing in the pouring rain on the banks of the Mississippi River, having the time of our lives.

They say it is good luck to have rain on your wedding day because a ‘wet knot’ is much harder to untie. I truly feel blessed.”

#

TINA, RAIN ALSO FELL on my wedding day in May of 1982. My husband and I have now been married for 29 years.

I expect that you and Micheal, with the challenges you’ve faced, already had a tightly-tied knot. Your positive attitude in the face of difficulties continues to impress me, as does your strength.

Congratulations on your marriage. May you and Mike live a long, happy and blessed life together.

Mike & Tina at sunset along the Mississippi River on their wedding day.

READERS: I F YOU HAVE NOT READ the six-part series of stories I posted in March about Tina’s experience during the September 2010 flash flood in Hammond, you’ll want to check it out now. Go to my archives and click on these dates: March 13 – 15 and March 17 – 19. Click here to read the first post, “Part I, Tina’s story, surviving the Hammond, Minnesota, flood.”

Also, consider contributing to Hammond’s efforts to rebuild city parks. Tina, recently-elected to the city council, is leading efforts to repair the flood-damaged parks. Click here to read a blog post about how you can help.

PHOTOS BY SHERWIN SAMANIEGO PHOTOGRAPHY of Rochester and courtesy of Tina Marlowe Mann.

© Copyright 2011 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

A virtual tour of Mankato’s sculpture walk July 9, 2011

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Louise Peterson of Guffey, CO. created this $20,000 bronze sculpture of a playful Great Dane titled "Tickled."

DEAR READERS,

I realize that some, maybe even many, of you, do not live anywhere near Mankato, the southeastern Minnesota community where I recently viewed sidewalk sculptures.

Heck, some of you don’t even live in states bordering Minnesota. Your chances of ever seeing these 25 pieces of art in person are about zilch.

So, for those of you who will view the City Art Walking Sculpture Tour only via Minnesota Prairie Roots, I’ve pulled together one last blog post. Please read my previous two posts for more details and photos of this community art project by first clicking here and then here.

This whole concept of bringing art to the streets through a rotating sculpture tour pleases me immensely. What a grand idea. Such art adds to the vibe of a downtown, to its art, history and culture.

Thank you, Mankato, and everyone who supported this cause financially, for bringing these sculptures to southeastern Minnesota, within quick driving distance of my Faribault home.

Yours gratefully,

Audrey Kletscher Helbling at Minnesota Prairie Roots

Sioux Falls artist Darwin Wolf's $13,500 sculpture, "The Fountain of Life," references Jesus washing Peter's feet at the Passover. It emphasizes the healing, life-giving qualities of water.

"Poco a Poco" a $12,000 bronze sculpture by Pokey Park of Tucson, Arizona, highlights the tortoise, representative of wisdom in American Indian culture. The building in the background houses Number 4 American Bar & Kitchen.

"Fowl Ball" celebrates geese, ducks, turkeys and chickens in this $7,600 forged and welded weathered steel sculpture by Lee W. Badger of Hedgesville, West Virginia.

All of the sculptures are marked with informational signage.

Dee Clements of Loveland, Colorado, created the $6,000 bronze "The Farmer's Wife," one of my favorite exhibit pieces.

To fully appreciate these sculptures, you must notice the details, including the Korean woman clenching her walking stick in "The Farmer's Wife."

Details define "Reading Magic," a $8,500 bronze sculpture by Julie Jones of Fort Collins, Colorado.

"Spirit of Energy," a $8,400 bronze by Karen Crain of LIttleton, Colorado, represents three renewable energy resources: sun, wind and water.

© Copyright 2011 Audrey Kletscher Helbling

 

An unlikely solution to the Minnesota government shutdown July 5, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Audrey Kletscher Helbling @ 12:15 PM
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MY EXTENDED FAMILY likes to have fun, so we plotted this weekend to overthrow the Minnesota state government. Not to worry. We are all talk and no action.

But we definitely have ideas about who could run the state given the current legislature and governor can’t seem to handle the task of agreeing on a budget. That would be us. (Yes, the general feeling was a definite frustration with the current state government shutdown.)

Therefore, in a discussion that spiraled into hilarity, we overthrew the governor and put all of our people in place, most of us choosing to head up a state department based on our interests and experiences.

We also agreed that one of our first subversive, defiant acts would be to clamber onto the golden horses atop the state Capitol.

The golden horses and chariot atop the Minnesota State Capitol.

I’m heading up communications, a job I’m uncertain I can handle because I’ve been instructed to deliver only a positive spin on every bit of state government news.

The educators in the family were appointed to the Department of Education, the daycare provider to the Department of Health and Human Services. My eldest brother, by age default, became the new governor.

The outdoor-loving summer parks worker now manages the Department of Natural Resources. He’s always wanted to hunt alligators, so he’s bringing alligators to Minnesota.

Then the newly-appointed finance director, a family member pursuing an accounting degree, suggested that rather than return the alligators to Florida in the winter, we move them into the sewer system. We readily embraced that idea.

We didn’t debate the cost of an alligator hunting license.

But there may have been an unspoken agreement to lock current Minnesota Governor Mark Dayton and the legislators in a room with a contingent of angry, jaw-snapping alligators Minnesotans.

DISCLAIMER: The above story represents my version of the family political discussion and may not be representative of all family members. However, I am the Director of Communications here at Minnesota Prairie Roots. Therefore I am free to spin this story however I wish.

© Copyright 2011 Audrey Kletscher Helbling